Hustlin in the Hamptons
by ima nut so what aka pussyninja
Summary: Have you ever just looked at someone and thought, "one of these days, Im gonna f**k you?" Thats exactly what Im  thinking right now. Im going to f**k Rosalie, hard and good...and maybe even twice for good measure.
1. the pussy moster

**A/N: Yeah, I know…really shouldn't have posted this, but I couldn't help it. This story will probably only be two or three chapter long. I actually got the spark for this fic from watching an episode of True-life: I'm hustling in the Hamptons, but I really started writing it after I read **_**theboxer's: Have you ever?**_** It's a really good story and I like the idea of having a cocky, arrogant Bella, instead of the usual shy and reserved Bella. So big shouts to theboxer, I had to give credit where it's due and make sure you check that out! Hope you enjoy! Read and review!**

**The Pussy Monster**

Spending another one of my summers cleaning up after spoiled, pompous, little shits was not how I pictured my life at twenty one. If anything, I pictured myself back at Arizona State, finishing up my second year and working towards my bachelors in sociology. Unfortunately that won't be happening anytime soon, since I can't really afford tuition or the cost of living on campus.

Oh, and by shits, I mean the Cullen's.

I've been working for these douche bags for over a year and a half now; mainly as their servant or slave, whatever you want to call it.

Why am I working for the Cullen's you ask? Well, it's simple, other than the fact that I want money to go back to school; I'm working for the Cullen's due to some family issues. These issues revolve around a fuckin lazy ass, good for nothing father named Charlie. Ever since my mom left him, he became an empty shell; drinking, smoking and gambling his way into debt. I had to take this shitty job just so we wouldn't get evicted from that shitty apartment.

Anywho, the Cullen's consist of Carlisle, who is actually pretty cool. He's a pussy-whipped little sissy, but he's still cool. He's a highly regarded Harvard graduate and one hell of a doctor. I heard he graduated from high school at the age of sixteen, got his masters at the age of twenty six and his PHD at the age of thirty four. I mean the guy isn't even forty yet and his already making at least 3 to 400,000 a year. Can you say loaded? Then there's his wife, Esme, who he met in college. They've been together for like eighteen year. That a long fuckin time, and I'm still not sure what the hell she does for a living, besides fuck my brother, but I'll tell you about that later.

They have three children, Edward, Rosalie, and Alice, who is the youngest.

Edward is a fuckin pretty boy dick flicker, who dreams about ramming his meat sack right up Emmet's ass, which will never happen. He's twenty and the twin brother of Rosalie, who is a total bitch and a fuckin tease. A bitch I wouldn't mind fucking, sucking, and licking, but a bitch nonetheless.

Rosalie is the perfect example of how rich people are; snobby, ignorant and completely oblivious to the world around them. All she ever does is spend her daddy's money on Shoes, clothes, jewelry, cars and whatever else that bitch wants.

She's smart when it comes to fashion sense, but a complete idiot when it comes to street and book smarts; she had no clue about the world outside of those pearly white gates. I remember last year when I asked her who she was voting for. Now, I might not have elaborated on what or who I was talking about, but when someone asks you that question, and during the presidential campaign no less, wouldn't you just assume that I was talking about the presidency? But I guess I was wrong, because that bitch reminded me of why I hate blondes, fuckin dumb blondes at that. That chick actually had the audacity to mention some fruit bag from American Idol. Really! American Idol! Where the fuck has been living!

But let's get back on track. Carlisle and Esme have three children to which I'm only friends with one of them; the petite little pixie herself, Alice. Alice was just amazing. She's everything you could ever want in a girl; funny, smart, and sexy as hell. If it wasn't so obvious that she and my best friend/play sister, Leah, had a thing going on, I would be on that ass like a pair of g-string panties.

I looked towards the said girl and noticed that she was eying Leah rather intently; it was a look that said "meet me up stares in a few minutes so we can fuck!" And they fucked quite often, and like jack rabbits in heat!

Leah wasn't the only one fucking one of the Cullen's. My dear brother, Emmet, was also indulging in the many pleasures of free pussy; old, free pussy to be exact. And that pussy's name was Esme Cullen…yeah, I know. He would probably be down here in a few minutes, telling me about his weird sexual innuendos, and then he would return to Mrs. Cougar pussy for another round. When Emmet tells his little stories, he tells them in great detail, to my dismay. Don't get me wrong, I'm all "thumbs up" when it comes to the "kiss and tell" bit, but sometimes he goes a little too far. I mean, I don't want to think about how his nuts sound, hitting the back of Mrs. Cullen's ass as he rams into her from the back...its gross! He's the reason why I can't eat macaroni anymore, because every time we eat it, he squishes it around and it makes this really disturbing sound; it reminds me of a really wet vag. I hate it and he knows it. To make things worse, he grins and says, "You know what this reminds me of, Bells?" or "its music to my ears." It makes me cringe every time I hear it. This isn't the first time he's had sex with an older women; he did it all the time when we were in high school. Lucky bastard! I have to admit that he does have good taste though, 'cause I definitely wouldn't mind hitting that kitty cat!

Unfortunately, I don't seem to have the same luck as my brother or Leah, because I'm the only one not getting any! Well, besides Rosalie and Edward, but I think he's secretly fucking that curly haired, dick smoker, Jasper from a few acres over.

We were currently working on the hedges, and by _we,_ I mean Leah and myself; Emmet was still doing some other work around the house, if you know what I mean?

It was pretty hot outside, so we ended up taking our shirts off, leaving us only in our sports bras and shorts. The one thing I can say that is good about working here is that you get a good work out. I mean, cleaning, and taking care of three story mansion is hard work, so I looking pretty good in the abdominal area, which Rosalie seemed to notice.

I could feel her eyes on me from beside the pool area; watching and basically eye-fucking the shit out of me. I always found it funny that she and Alice always seemed to "coincidentally" sun bathe on every Tuesday, which was the day we worked the yard. But hey, I don't mind as long as I get to see those titties.

"Hey Bill, I think you missed a spot!" I rolled my eyes as Rose snickered and nudge Alice, who didn't seem at all amused at her childish outburst.

"Whatever you say, Cuntalie!" I heard an indignant snort from Leah, and Alice just burst into giggles. She gathered herself after Rosalie slapped her arm and then gave me a thumbs up so I blew a kiss at her. She winks and licks her lips slowly and sensuously; I just shook my head at our little game. Alice and I have this weird, quirky, relationship. She is by far the most pleasant to be around and we often indulged in outlandish, childish acts, just to piss Rosalie off. Last year, I had to work on my Birthday, so Alice surprised me with a rather raunchy lap dance; both as a present and to piss Rosalie off, which it did.

Yes, we all know that Rosalie secretly wants me; Alice and even told me herself. So ever since I found out her little secret, I've made it my sworn duty to completely terrorize her in the most sexual and annoying ways possible.

Speaking of which….

"Don't look now, but your secret lover is coming over here."

_Oh, she will be cumming….. and soon! _ I laughed at my own inner ramblings and then laughed at what Leah said.

"What? What's so funny?" Leah said, with a slightly perplexed and amused look on her face.

"Cumming..hehe…you said cumming!" I burst into fits of giggles and she soon followed. I regained my composure and noticed that Rosalie still hadn't made it over here yet. _What the fuck! It takes like ten years to cross a freakin lawn! _

Soon all thought flew from my mind as I watched the site before me. I eyed her appreciatively as her chest jiggled from side to side; I found my head bobbing in the same rhythm. She was wearing at rather revealing two-piece, which I was really grateful for 'cause she looked hot! It literally felt and looked like slow motion; her hips were like a pendulum, swaying and hypnotizing me with every step she took. I don't know why, but I started getting this weird feeling. It wasn't that usual tingly feeling I get in my vagina, but it was a feeling I felt within my chest; like my heart wanted to just burst through my ribcage or something.

My lips automatically parted when I gazed at her face; it was flawless, even with that permanent mean-mug etched across it.

"Easy there champ, she just might slip…vag first, right into your mouth if it gets any wider" I looked at Leah like she was dumb.

"Uh Yeah, I think that's the whole idea! Tisk, tisk, tisk, I thought we've already been through this, Lee?" I said in mock disappointment. We stared at each other and then burst into another fit of giggles. We immediately stopped when Rosalie made her appearance. _Finally!_

With a cocky grin I leaned forward, slightly hovering over the hedges and got a good look at those lovely tits and replied…..

"What's up, sugar-tits?" I was gazing at those very same items, which looked like they needed a good licking.

_Oh don't worry little ones, soon ill feast upon your rosy little peaks, and watch as they ascend to painful heights. Yes, I will soon satiate the both of us. _I couldn't help the huge, perverted grin that was probably plastered on my face, but it soon faltered when a forced cough brought me out of my thoughts. I was greeted with a knowing look from Alice and a glare form Rosalie. _When the fuck did Alice get over here!_

"So, what can we do for you two lovely ladies?" I was trying to put on a charming smile, but something told me that I was probably looking like an idiot.

"I said you missed a spot BILL!"

"Yeah, I SAID, whatever you say, CUNTALIE!"

"Call me that one more time, and I'll tell daddy and get you fired!" Was this bitch serious! She's grown as fuck and she still on some elementary bull-shit! She's officially wack for that!

"You hear that, Lee? She's gonna tell her daddy and get me fired." I said mockingly, while nudging Leah, who seemed just as amused.

I moved around the hedge, walked straight up to Rosalie and pressed myself against her. She gasped a bit as I tentatively wrapped my arm around her bare waist. Oh yeah, there's no denying it now..she wants me!

"Rose I really don't think you'd get me fired. You want to know why?" My lips were close to her ear, almost grazing the skin but barely so. " 'Cause if you do that, we'd never get a chance to fuck." I whispered lowly, voice dropping several octaves, and I could see her chest heaving; I grinned with satisfaction.

I was a bit surprised that she hadn't pulled away from me yet, so I decided to test the waters. I shifted behind her and pulled her close so that her back was to my front. I let my nose nuzzle her neck, reveling in her scent. She was trembling slightly but still hadn't pulled away, so I turned it up a notch.

"Don't you want to fuck, Rose?" I was bit shocked at how husky my voice sounded when those words came out of my mouth.

She was panting as my hands played with the hem of her swimming panties, and I let my tongue graze the base of her neck, sending goose bumps in its wake. She tasted exactly how she looked…good!

I was so focused on what I was doing that I forgot we had an audience. I nearly jumped out of my own skin when Alice coughed rather loudly. That seemed to get Rosalie's attention because she shoved the hell out of me, making me stumble a few feet back. _Typical_

I returned to my spot next to Leah, fully aware of Rose's wandering eyes.

"So, what were we talking about?"

"Well, I don't know what you two were talking about, but Leah and I were talking about how ridiculous the two of you are." Rose stuck up her nose at me, so I just shrugged my shoulders. _Whatever bitch! _ "Anddd…me and Leah were kind of bored, so we thought about a game of truth or dare…you guys in?"

Were they fucking kidding me? Truth or fuckin dare..Seriously! And just how old are we again?

"Alice, the best thing you can come up with is truth or dare?"

"Yeah, I have to agree with Bill here, you can't be serious?"

"Well yeah, I mean, what else is there to do?"

"Ohhhh I don't know…we could just FUCK!" I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, eying Rosalie all the while.

"Pfft, like anyone wants to fuck you!"

Have you ever looked at someone and thought "man, one of these days I'm going to fuck you!" That's exactly what I was thinking, but I felt like she needed to know that.

"I AM going to fuck you Rosalie, and you're going to enjoy every last minute of it."

"Yeah, you fucking wish that I wanted to fuck you!" She started laughing as if I was actually joking with her. That's cute, this bitch really thought i was playing, but I was serious, dead fucking serious. I was gonna murder that shit; completely obliterate it and make her renounce all the shit she had been talking.

Oh, I don't wish, I AM. You know how I know?"

I didn't give her a chance to answer.

"I know because your body tells me so."

I gave her my "fuck me" smirk, closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

"You're so wet right now, Rosalie, that I can practically taste you in my mouth…been eating a lot of fruits lately?" I wiggled my tongue at her and watched as she squirmed under my gaze. _God, I love this game!_

She huffed angrily and walked away blushing, completely flustered.

"So we'll see you in a bit, yeah? I said, cupping my hand to my mouth.

"Fuck you!"

"Name the time and place, I'll be there baby-cakes!"

I'm leaning against the house with Leah, smoking some of our secret pot stash. We had secretly planted a little in the green house last year, and luckily no one found it since we're the ones that take care of the gardening and whatnot.

"So Bells, you still going out tonight?"

"Yeah, I have to pay a visit to Mr. Weed-man…we're running out of that skadoosh….and Angela wants to see me. Skadoosh is the name of the pot we were smoking. We named it that because the first time we ever smoked it was when we saw Kung Fu Panda. And don't hate, 'cause we be on that Pixar and DreamWorks shit!

"I don't know why you're wasting your time with her, she a virgin and virgins NEVER put out!"

I wiped at my face and just shrugged.

"What can I say? I love a challenge!"

We both stared at each other intently, and then started cracking up.

"What the fuck is this!"

A very angry and sexy voice boomed into my ear, causing me to wince.

I turned my attention to Rosalie, giving her a very thorough once over and smirked; she had changed into a very low skirt, but she still had on the bikini top. My eyes immediately focused on those milk duds and then her face.

"Well, somebody's looking mighty scrumptious…did you do that for me?"

"You wish…and what that smell?" She leaned forward, sniffing at my clothing.

_Why don't you sniff a little lower, like near my CROTCH!_ I had to chuckle at my perverted inner thoughts, which just so happened to get her attention.

"Are you…are you guys smoking pot!"

"Why yes, yes we are…you want some? I held it up to her face, moving it back and forth as she scrunched up her nose.

"Come on….peer pressure…peer pressure, peer pressure?"

"No! Fortunately, I'm not like the two of you pot heads!"

"Ohhh, I forgot, you rich people tend to go with the whole "rockstar" method..ya know, snorting coke in bathrooms and whatnot!" I heard a weird sound from Leah; it was a cross between a squeal and a snort.

"Whatever, Alice says that she's waiting in her room."

"Waiting? Waiting for what?" And then it hit me; we were supposed to be playing that stupid game.

"So Rosalie," I began, drawing out every last syllable in her name, "will you be joining us this afternoon?"

Now, Rosalie's quite known for her mean glares, which tell people not to fuck with her, but to me, it only means one thing: "I want to fuck you right here and right now."

"Unfortunately, I have to or she's gonna tell our dad about my maxed out credit card….otherwise, you'd be playing with Edward!

_The fuck I would!_

"You don't have to act all coy about it, Rose….you know you wanna play anyway." I flicked the roach and leaned into her.

"I can't wait to play with you Rose, its gonna be so much fun." I looked her straight into the eyes and licked my lips very slowly.

"God, you're such a pervert!" She pushed me back, making me fall onto Leah.

I think the only good thing that came out of that situation was that it gave me a good peek underneath her skirt as she walked off.

"I didn't even say anything perverted yet…. and nice ass!" She flipped me off with moth fingers, so I laughed and nudged Leah.

"I think she wants me, Leah."

"Yeah, and I think you should get your fat ass off me! And you should really try to lay off her a bit."

"Awe, but where's the fun in that! We both know she secretly likes it, she's just playing hard to get."

"Whatever you say, Bells, but are you gonna get off me or what!"

I turned my attention back towards Rose, just in time to see her turn the corner.

_Oh you can run, but you can't hide from the pussy monster, Rosalie!_


	2. RedRum That Shit!

**Disclaimer: Forgot to do this the last time. Anywho, I don't own Twilight or its character...not even Rosalie's sexy ass!**

**A/N; Oh wow, thanks so much for all the reviews, favs, and alerts! Didn't really think people would like this too much, but I guess I was wrong. I had a bit of writers block, but I came through and I just hope I didn't disappoint. Please read and review! Oh and you might have noticed the name change...yeah, I think it fits. lmao!**

**Red-Rum That Shit!**

I'm walking with Leah, while my little snufficans, Rosalie, guides us down the hallway towards Alice's room. I know it's a little early for pet names, especially since I still haven't cashed out her coochie coupon yet, but what the hell?

I watch with great pleasure as her ass sways from side to side, and I find myself thinking about all the filthy, degrading, and unforgivable things I going to do to her when she's face down and ass up, because we ARE gonna fuck! And since I've already come to terms with this realization, I think it's time she does the same.

I pull Rosalie to the side and let Leah pass by us into the room, but not before she gives me that "all knowing" grin of her, and I move inward so that my hands rest against the wall on either side of Rosalie's face.

I give her a very so once-over, biting my lips and flashing my "fuck me face" for extra effect.

"Rose, why don't you and I just skip the foreplay shit, because that's basically what it is, and just get down to me pounding that sweet vag of yours?" I'm idly playing with her hair as I say this, and I'm a bit shocked when she gives me a rather seductive look and then leans into my face.

"Bill," she begins in that sinfully, low voice of her, "how many times do I have to tell you that...you will never, ever see, let alone touch this kitty cat. You wanna know why?" She says in a very sweet voice and I decide to go along with her little game and nod my nod. "Because….YOU DON'T HAVE A DICK!"

_Dick? She wants a dick? Okay, well I'll give her a dick!_

I brought my index finger up towards our faces and started flexing it.

"See now, that's where your wrong, Rosalie. I have a dick, and it's the only dick you'll ever need, Isn't that right, Bella Jr.?" I broke out into my weird gremlin voice and started impersonating that weird kid off of _The shining._

"Bella Jr…. don't you think Rosalie should let us RED-RUM that sweet kitty of hers?" I asked to my finger, wiggling it for effect.

"Yes, she should totally let us RED-RUM that shit!

"You are such a fuckin freak!" She pushed me aside and I couldn't help but grin when I got a free feel of those boobies!

"Not that I'm complaining, but wont we get in trouble if your mom finds out that we're not working?"

Alice waves her hands dismissively. "Oh please! The only thing she's worried about is Emmet's dick going down her throat. She's got dick on her brain, so she probably wouldn't recognize me or Rosalie, let alone worry about you guys doing your job."

"Yeah, Emmet's probably so far down her throat, he could probably feel her lugs right now! Trust me, it's impossible for her to think clearly when it comes to Emmet. Rosalie was filing her nails as if it wasn't a big deal.

"So, you guys know about that, huh?"

"pfft! I'm pretty sure everyone knows by now, even Carlisle, but he's not gonna say anything since he's doing the same thing. Last week I caught him slipping condoms in his work bag. He's probably fucking that one nurse, what's her face…Victoria!" I looked at Alice like she was crazy, 'cause that shit was fuckin crazy!

"Nuh uh! Carlisle? Really? I'm not buying it. I mean, he's just so…so…so whipped!"

Rosalie let out an obnoxious snort. " I don't know why you're so surprised? He's a guy... and he has a dick….you do the math."

I sighed, I already knew where this was going, and I really want to avoid this whole conversation like the fuckin herpes! Ever since Mike-fuckin-Newton cheated on her with her skanky "best friend," Jessica Stanly, she has it in her head that all men cheat, and most of them do…but not all of them. I guess I should thank him though, because she'll be mine soon enough.

"Look, I'm just saying that it's a shocker…this is like Desperate House Wives or some type of Soup Opera bullshit! I wouldn't be too surprised if you told me that everyone in this whole community was just fucking each other."

"Pretty much." I furrowed my eyebrows at Alice in slight disgust. I'll admit that I get around when it comes to sex, but this shit right here is just fucking ridiculous!

"Ya know what? You rich people are on some really fucked up and twisted shit…fuckin weirdo's!" 

"Whatever, can we just get on with this stupid game!"

"Oh? In a hurry to get fucked are we, Rosalie?" She flipped me off, so I grinned arrogantly. "Well, that's what I've been tryna do, but you're making it so hard for me and Bella Jr." _I love torturing her!_

"You're a dick!"

"Yeah and you're a fuck-me-tease!"

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"Doesn't have to… I'm totally fuckin awesome!"

"If you two are done, then we'll begin our little game!"

"Oh yes, please do! The sooner we get started then the sooner I'll have Rosalie screaming my name."

And cue the fuck me smirk!

Alice went over the rules, to which I half listened to because I was too focused on Rosalie's legs to really give a shit about what she was saying. _Yeah, those same legs that are gonna be hauled over my shoulder, twitching and shaking as I make her cum!_

Well, some of the rules that I did gather from her little rant were….

Rule#1: You get one free pass.

Rule#2: If you refuse a dare after you've already used your free pass, you automatically have to do two dares.

Rule#3: If you lie, you automatically have to do two dares. And trust me, we've known each other long enough to know when someone's lying.

And Rule#4: Just have some fun!

We played a couple rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors to see how the order would go. Alice would be first, Leah would go second, Rosalie was third and I was last.

"Leah, truth or dare? _ They are so typical! _Leah had this really big, dumb grin on her face, which Alice mirrored and I just laughed at how obvious they were being.

"Um…dare!"

"Okay, I dare you to….kiss me!" I let out a snort; they were being ridiculous, but it was still cute.

Leah leaned forwards on her knees until she was a few inches away from Alice, and if it were possible, it seemed as though their grins got even wider. The kiss was innocent at first but it soon escalated into a full blown, lip smacking, flesh groping, tongue fucking make out session.

"Okayyyy! You said kiss, not tongue fuck each other!" I look towards Rosalie, who seems a bit flustered by the whole thing, but I on the other hand, am quite enjoying the scene.

They finally pull apart with a wet "smack" and I inwardly cringe at the sight of drool dangling from their mouths…. Sick shit!

Leah went on and dared Alice to give her a lap dance, which she happily complied and I was getting rather bored by this elementary bullshit. I mean, we just started playing and I already want it to be over with. So as Alice hopped onto Leah lap, I excused myself to the liquor cabinet and took a couple of shots of some unknown Vodka and brought the rest back with me; it was Rose's turn by the time I returned to my spot.

"What do you think you're doin?" The ever so insightful Rosalie asked.

"What does it look like, wonder tits? I'm havin a drink!"

"Yeah, I know that smart ass, the question is why!"

"Why? Because this game is fuckin lame! At least it'll be somewhat entertaining if I'm drunk!"

"Its lame, huh? Okay, truth or dare, Bella?" I raised my eyebrows questionably. Was she really tryna challenge me?

"Dare….and you better make it good."

"I dare you to go down to Edwards room, ass naked and ask if you can join in."

I sighed inwardly. This was the best that she could come up with? It's not a bad dare, but it aint a good one either. I was hoping she'd dare me to fuck her, but that's all in good time.

"Okay." I looked her straight in the eyes, dropped my shorts and underwear, earning two giggles and a gasp , and then took off my bra. Rosalie's eyes were wide as she stared at me appreciatively.

"See something you like, Rosalie?"

"No!"

"Look, we don't have to keep playin these little games…..If you wanted to get me naked, all you had to was say the word and I could've been two knuckles deep right now."

"Whatever! Just do the damn dare!"

I'm walking down the hallway, naked as the day I was born, open Edwards door and literally threw up in my mouth. Edward's bent over the bed, wide open, while Jasper positions himself at his entrance. Edward's all too eager for that cock!

I swallow that piece of regurgitated hamburger and clear my throat.

"So, room for one more?" I gave a lopsided grin, while my hands are on my hips. It was then that I realized just how unbelievable gay Edward is. He honors me with the gayest pose I have ever seen. He puts the back of his hand on his forehead, while he shifts onto his left side and squeals like the fuckin Twinkie that he is; Jasper throws whatever he could find and I take that as my sign to retreat.

"Was that Edward screaming?" Alice asks as I sit down.

"Yeah, and let me just say that that boy is a fucking cock pirate!" Everyone starts to laugh, but it soon turns deathly quiet, well until Miss CUNT TEASER decides to speak.

"Don't you think you should put your clothes back on?"

"Don't you think you should take yours off?" After receiving a rather fierce glare from Cuntalie, I decide to be nice and put my clothes back on.

"So, who's turn is it?"

"Its actually your turn, Bella. I turn towards Leah and flash a wicked smile. I already know who I'm gonna choose.

_Hmm, who should I choose as my victim? Oh, I know!_

"So, Rosalie," I begin slowly, tapping my finger against my chin, "What's it gonna be…. Truth or dare?"

I see her squirming in her seat as I smirk at her.

"Truth!" I shake my head at how predictable she is.

"Always playing it safe, huh? Alright, is it true you think about me while touching yourself?" I can hear Alice and Leah giggling, while Rosalie looks at me like I just told her to lick my ass, which doesn't sound too bad. "Oh, and you might want to really think about your answer 'cause in case you've forgotten, that's two dares if you lie."

I watch as she debates this information, and I have to say that I'm not too surprised by her answer.

"No!"

"You're lying."

"And how would you know?"

"Because I can see it; it's written all over your face….AND Alice told me."

Alright, so Alice didn't actually tell me that, but I just wanted to see what was gonna happen…and Rosalie didn't disappoint.

"You told her, Alice? That was supposed to be between you and me!" She was trying to whisper but I caught all of it.

"Ah ha! So you admit it?"

"What? No! That's not fair, you guys tricked me!"

"Nuh uh, you should have told the truth. Besides, all fair in love in war baby! Let's see, I believe that's tow dares?" Everyone nods their heads except for Rosalie; she just sighs and runs her hands over her face.

"You know what, Rosalie? I'm gonna make it easy for you. I'm gonna let Leah and Alice choose your dares." She visibly relaxes until she finds out what Leah and Alice have in store for her.

"YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT!"

"I said, I want you to masturbate...right in front of Bella." Alice says nonchalantly.

"BU T," Leah continues, "I'm gonna walk you through it...AND you have to do whatever I say." And people thought I was ruthless? I mean, I was just gonna tell her to flash a boob or something, but this?

"Now, walk over to the bed, Rose, and lay down." Leah commands, and Rosalie hesitantly complies.

"Okay, Bella, I want you to do the same, but I want you to lay so that your front is pressed against her left side." _She don't have to tell me twice! _ I lye next to her, and she gives me her signature glare, so I smirk.

"Can you not look at me like that, it's making me uncomfortable."

"Well, would you rather me stare at your tits, or how bout that vertical smile of yours?"

"God, I fuckin hate you!"

"Oh you love me and you know it!"

"Bella, I want you to take Rosalie's hand and slowly guide into her panties."

"Whoa, you said nothing about her touching me! I refuse to do it now!"

"If you refuse then you'll have to do two more dares, so the choice is yours." Alice flashes a triumphant smile as Rosalie huffs in frustration.

"Fine, but this better not leave this room!"

_That's gonna be kind of hard since you're gonna be screaming my name!_

I place my left hand on top of hers, and slowly start descending until our hands disappear under her skirt. Her stomach muscles twitch, chest heaves and I try to swallow that permanent lump in my throat as I "accidently" graze her soft flesh. And I'm SO glad she doesn't have a freakin Chewbacca down there! I think I feel a little Hitler goin on, but I'm not too sure.

"Okay, now slowly guide your hands in a gentle rhythm."

I did as I was told and started moving our hands. My hands slip occasionally, causing a sharp gasp from Rosalie, so I decide to test the waters a bit; I move her hand so that I'm fully cupping her. She tenses up a bit, but doesn't pull away, so ima just take that as the go-ahead.

I tease her a bit, tracing my finger over her opening, which earns me a soft moan, and her thighs clamp down on my hand.

"Somebody's enjoying themselves." I state arrogantly while sucking on her neck. "I told you I was gonna fuck you, Rosalie...you should have just let me do it sooner." I whisper into her ear before taking it into my mouth.

"Shut the hell AHHH!"

She's screaming and talking shit, so I'll just have to put her in her place. I shift so that I'm between her legs, being careful not to break contact, and once I'm settled I ease into her; I almost jizzed my pants when I realize just how wet she is.

"Um, I don't think they're listening to me, Alice." I can faintly hear Alice and Leah talking, but I'm way too focused on Rose to actually care.

As I slowly slide in and out of her, two things happen. 1: I jizzed my pants for the second time, and 2: The word to Ludacris' _Ultimate Satisfaction _Pops into my head.

I'm a giver; I like to give rather than receive. I get off on that shit! Don't get me wrong, I like getting pleasure too, but its somethin about having someone scream and writhe under me that just gives me ULTIMATE SATISFACTION.

I sometimes like to think of Rosalie as an Uncircumcised dick; you have to pull back several layers of skin just to see what's really underneath. So when I pulled back that extra layer of skin, for the for the first time I saw her for who she really was; a freakin sexy ass animal! And with that last thought in mind, I decide to renounce all my control; I start Red-Rumin that shit!

I pound into her, two knuckles deep and watch as she bucks her hips, clutches the sheets and bites her lip; I've never seen anything so fuckin hot in my life!

I move closer to say something arrogant, but she anticipates this and grabs my face, crushing our lips together. It shocks the hell out of me, but I can't think too much into it because she's tryna fight for dominance...and we can't have that now, can we!

I keep a steady pace, and I make sure to curl my fingers every time I hit that spongy patch, making her twitch uncontrollably.

_Man, if I would have known this was the result of playing truth or dare, I would have played ALONG time ago! _

She whimpers into my mouth, and I feel her walls contracting around my fingers as I devour her face. And just when I feel her about to let go, fuckin flick-a-dick, Edward and his little butt buddy, Jasper comes bolting through the door. And I knew...I just fuckin knew Rosalie was gonna flip out, and she did.

You remember what I said about her being an uncircumcised dick? Yeah, that what she did. She pulled that layer of skin back into its place, effectively putting that mask back up...and what a bitch! She pushes me off of her and runs straight out the door.

"What the hell's going on here!"

"WELL, I was about to make her cum, but since you HAD to interrupt and just HAD to be a fuckin dick-bandit, you just completely fucking ruined that for me...YOU JUST RUINED MY FUCKIN NUT!"

I shove pass him and run after Rosalie, because I know she's freaking- the fuck out right now.

"Rose, wait up!" She's just about to run out the back door towards the garden, but I stop her halfway.

"What? What are you crying for?"

"Because he just...he just saw that...what we just did." Her cheeks were a bit red, which I can only assume is out of embarrassment.

"So what if he saw us, you liked it, right?"

She wouldn't look at me, so I brought my hand up towards her chin in an attempt to get her attention, but she flinched away.

"I'm not gay...I don't like girls!"

"Well, you could've fooled me. Seems like you were liking that quite a bit!"

"I didn't like it, and I don't fuckin like you!"

Okay, she's really pissing me off right now! She's tryna act like she didn't like it and for what! Because of that dick diver!

"You're un-fuckin-believable! You're so worried about what other people think, that you can't even see what's in front of you! What? You're scared that he's gonna tell your skanky best friend or maybe Mike? They don't even give a shit about you! They're WAY to busy fucking each other to care! I'm not even gonna worry about it. Ima just do me and let you be the fuckin bitch that you are!"

Yeah, this is the main reason why I hate dealing with "confused" people; they never know what the fuck they want.

A/N: If you haven't already guess, Red-Rum means murder backwards. Yeah, I was watching The Shining...that movie is freakin weird!

I also I got that Chewbacca and Hitler reference from Sex-Drive...that movie is fuckin AWESOME!


	3. Fuckin Slore Bag!

**A/N: Okay, I would like to say that I was highly pissed off when I wrote this, so there are a lot of f-bombs, bitches and anything else you can imagine in this chapter. My shitty mood revolves around a shitty ass computer, which crashed a few days ago, wiping out all my shit..fuckin bitch! It also revolves around my irritating family and my ex, who doesn't seem to understand that I'm done with her bullshit...so I would really appreciate it if everyone who reads this chapter leaves a review. I don't care if it's one word or 100, just please leave something..It really makes me happy and I need that right now.**

Fuckin Slore Bag!

You wanna know who's a waste of a perfectly good face and body? Megan Fox, that's who! I cant stand that slore! I mean yeah, she's hot and I definitely wouldnt mind seeing if i can fit them jeans, but she's a total fucking cunt..and not in a good way. She's also a bitch and that makes her fugley as hell, which is a turn off, just like that bitch Cuntalie!

"Ugh! Fucking cunt-mangling whore!" Yeah, thats pretty much all thats been running through my mind right now. Its been like two hours since our little incident, and Rosalie has practically hauled herself up in her room. She did come down for something to drink, but she totally ignored me. Since then, I've been sitting in the servants courters or as I like to call it, the "slave " courters, which consists of Leah, Alice and myself at the moment.

"Bella, you really need to calm down. If its bothering you that much, then maybe you should just go talk to her?" Was Leah serious?

"Her? Man, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really Bella? You're really gonna act like you weren't just fuming over Rosalie? Its written all over your face; not only that, but you've looked through that _Us _magazine like ten times... .AND its has Megan Fox on it. YOU HATE MEGAN FOX!"

I thought about protesting, telling her that she was wrong, but my thoughts were cut short when Emmet came barging in with a big fuckin "I Just got fucked, and I got fucked good!" grin. He didn't know it, but that stupid grin just added fuel to the fire.

"Oh, well look who decided to show his fuckin smug little face! Mr. "I want to get my rocks off for four hours straight, while my dear sisters slave all god-damn day! THAT'S REAL FUCKED UP WIT YOU'S!"

"Whoa, what the hell did I just miss?" He asked, putting his hands up in mock surrender.

"Rosalie," Leah states nonchalantly as I glare at her. "She totally pulled a _Broke Back Mountain_ on Bella earlier."

"What, she took it up the ass from a cowboy?"

"What! No, you idiot!" She sighs and shakes her head. "You remember the part right after they fuck for the first time, and Heath's looking all disgusted with himself and Jake tries to comfort him, but Heath flips out and punches the shit out of him?" Emmet nods his head dumbly. "That's kind of what happen, but minus the punch."

"Ah, I see."

"Yeah, so now Bella's all pissed off because she really like Rosalie, even though she won't say it."

"Mannn...FUCK THAT BITCH! I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT HOE! SHE CAN SUCK ON MY NON-EXISTANT RIGHT NUT SACK!

"Wow Bells, don't you think that you're taking it a little too deep? Maybe you should just go..."

"-No! You gets no say in this! Why don't YOU..just go do us all a big favor and go back to Cougar-cunt, and just let me dwell on my own problem?"

"WELL, maybe I WILL!

"GOOD!"

"FUCKIN GREAT!"

"FAN-FUCKIN-TASTIC!"

"TOTALLY FUCKIN AWESOME!" He replies, putting his hands on his hips and wiggling his head with each word; he was looking so stupendously gay. I couldn't do anything but laugh, which ultimately led to everyone else laughing.

"God, I fuckin hate you Emm...you always know how to make me feel better."

"Awe, and I love you too, honeybunz! And it's what I do best!" "So, what are you guys getting into tonight?"

_Hopefully Rosalie face! _Whoa, where the fuck did that just come from?

They were all looking at me expectantly, well Alice and Emmet were, but Leah had an amused look on her face; almost like she knew what I was thinking.

"Well, I was thinking about going to see Ang but..." The lyrics to "she said" by young Ray, blasted through my cell phone speakers, signaling Angeles Call. "Speak of the devil herself."

"Angela! How are you? We were just talking about you, that's so weird."

"Hey Bella! Um, I'm good and I was just thinking about you too, which is why I called you...and yeah!" Her voice is shy and timid, which only adds to her charm.

Angela is my best friend, well besides Leah of course, but she doesn't count because she more like a sister. Anyway, I've had a major crush on her since high school, and we've been off and on since then. I treat her WAY differently then I would compared to some random chick, but I not gonna lie and say that I don't want to get into her panties, 'cause I do. She not like other girls and I refuse to treat her as such, which is why I'm not gonna force anything. She does have a boyfriend, but that's not gonna stop me, 'cause he's a total douche bag!

"So, did you still want me to come see you tonight?"

"Yes of course, but I was thinking we could maybe go out instead? There's this party a few blocks from my apartment and Jake invited me; you remember Jake, right?"

Oh, I remember that freaking sasquatch! I met him in high school and we dating for like a week; this was during my "confused" stage. Jake was thirsty. He would always try to get in my pants, and I did give him a hand job once just to make him shut up, and let me tell you...I know they make chap-stick for lips, but somebody needs to invent some chap-stick for dicks. I never knew a dick could be ashy but his shit had my hands chaffing!

"Yeah, I remember him. He still rocking that long ass Fabio dew?"

She makes this weird wheezing sound, which only means she's laughing. "No, I think he finally got tired of being mistaken him for a girl, so he cut." " The party starts around 8ish, but I probably won't be there until 9; I told Lauren I'd cover for her at work."

"Alright, well ill call you later." We said our goodbyes, and I was once agian met with several expectant looks.

"So, you guy's wanna go to a party?"

Fuck, that's all I can say is fuck! The plan was to only take Leah, Alice and myself, but somehow we ended up with three extra people, whom I don't feel like being bothered with.

In between the past two hours, Alice begged to me to allow Rosalie to come along. Of course my first answer was no, but she hit me with the "puppy-dog pout" and promised me some boob action later on. How could I refuse an offer like that?

Then somehow, Edward overheard our plans and pretty much threatened my job if I didn't let him or his little ass-master come too. Emmet said he'd cover for us by keeping Mrs. Cullen preoccupied with his dick..not like he was complaining.

We're all posted in my Blazer right now. Alice and Leah are in the back seat, while Jasper and Edward took the trunk, and of course, Rosalie just had to have the passenger seat. She keeps glaring at me every now and then, and that shit is really getting old! I mean if she's got something to say, then fuckin say that shit. But it better be something good, 'cause I swear if she says anything negative towards me, Ima use this fist to straighten out whatever confusion she thinks she has! Fuckin bitch! I can't lie though, she is looking mighty fine right now. She has on this tight little slutty orange dress that has a slit going up the thigh_. God, I want to taste those pumpkin tits! _ I'm imaging all the things I could do to her right now, and I can feel myself salivating at how magically delicious she probably tastes.

I shake those thoughts out of my head and look in the rear view mirror, only to shake my head. Alice is practically dry humping the shit out of Leah leg, while Leah whispers things into her ear; things that would probably scare the crap at out a kid and even me. I can't help feeling a little jealous at how openly affectionate they are, and I'm starting to wonder why Edward still hasn't tried to twat block Leah yet. Speaking of the little tinkle fairy, he and Jasper are talking animatedly, flicking their wrist every once in a while; those two gossip more than two old ass broads.

I'm definitely gonna need a little pick me up if I'm gonna have to deal with this shit for the next couple of hours. So with that thought in mind, I take a little detour.

"Um, this doesn't look like a party to me, it looks like squalor filth!" I really hate when snobby little rich kids try to get all uppity and basically put other people down. Just because they're wealthy, they automatically assume they're superior? Well FUUCKKKK YOU!

"That's because it's not, you pompous jack-ass! My throat itches so I need to stop by the 'pharmacy' and get some 'medicine.'

"But there's no stores around here, it's just filth." Edward is really pissing me off right now!

"Its not some ordinary 'Pharmacy,' its special."

"She going to go get drugs, Edward." Rosalie says matter-of-factly, annoyance evident in her features; that glare working overtime.

"What! I'm not going to be some type of delinquent with you...be a hooligan on your own time!"

"Look, Cock-ward! If I gotta deal with you, your little cock-muncher, and your fuckin thundercunt of a sister over here, then I'm gonna need something to mellow me the fuck out! So if you or anyone else don't like it, you can either get out and risk getting rape by a gang of dudes, which you'd probably enjoy Edward, or you can shut the hell up! It's your choice."

Complete utter silence.

"That's what I thought." I parked the car on the a familiar street and flashed my head light twice. I could see Paul, my dealer, in the distance nodding his head, so I took that as my signal.

"Alright look, I'm gonna go get this medicine real quick, so just stay here and don't say or do anything. Leah, you might want to take the wheel just in case." Everyone except for Leah looked at me like I was crazy.

"Wait, what the hell do you mean 'just in case'! What the fuck type of shit is this!" I really wish Edward would learn to shut his cock-filled mouth, he's spraying semen everywhere!

"Just chill, I got this." I closed the door and made my way towards Paul.

Paul is massive. He looks like a freaking man-bear or some shit, but looks are deceiving. Paul thinks he's a "gangsta," but in reality, he just as soft as Rosalie's tits. He's a baby gangster, or a wannabe, who apart of some bullshit gang called "The Wolf Pack." Sounds like some wack shit to me. In all honesty, he just Sam's little lap puppy; Sam is the leader and Paul will do anything that guy says.

"Hey Paulie!"

"What the fuck are you doing here, Swan!"

"Oh come on now, is that any way to talk to your favorite customer?"

"Pfft, Swan you're lucky I drop you where you stand right now, especially after that shit you pulled with Maria!"

Ah yes, Maria. Maria is ...well... a hoe, and his girlfriend. Everyone around here that knows her, has had her, except for me and Leah, of course. Well, I almost had sex with her this one time, but luckily I chose not to ignored the overwhelming smell of Red lobster emanating from between her legs. I should've slapped that bitch for even trying to pull some shit like that with me, knowing that her vag was a freaking sea habitat! I mean, that bitch needs to walk, jog, sprint, and just flat out run to the clinic and get her shit taking care of! I don't know what she told Paul, but ever since then, he just gives me trouble. The worst part is that Paul is in denial of the fact that she's a hoe. You can't turn no hoe into a house wife, and the fact that he's cuffin that bitch just makes me want to throw up! You can't tell me that she hasn't giving him some type of disease. Hell. I wouldn't be surprised if he was burning as we speak.

"First of all, Paul you're not a gangsta so just stop. You're a baby gangsta, and as far as Maria goes? Yeah, she's a set out, and I never touched that shit. Now your boys are a different story; they're probably hitting that shit right now as we speak. Oh and you might want to tell her to invest in some Summer Eve, Vagisil, Monistat, and anything else she can find."

"What he fuck did you just say to me!" What the fuck did I just say to him? I thought I was pretty damn clear!

"Nothing Paul, absolutely nothing. Now, ya think I could get some that lovely product you just so happen to have in your back pocket?"

"sixty, straight up."

"Sixty? What the hell happened to the thirty!"

"You fuckin my girlfriend, that's what happened!" Wow, he really showed me, didn't he? Idiot!

"Look man, I told you nothing happened a million times already, but if you're really gonna act like an ass...then here, here's your stupid money!" He gave a shitty little smirk and reached into his back pocket. My eyes lit up with childlike wander as I gazed at that magic sack. He was just about to hand it to me when something behind me caught his eye. His face twisted in anger and I just prayed that it wasn't what I thought it was.

What the fuck is taking so long, Bill!" You're kidding me, right? Did this bitch really just get out of the car when I made it quite clear to do the opposite? WHAT THE FUCK... AND WHERE THE FUCK IS LEAH!

There's one thing you should know about Paul and just drug dealers in general...THAY DONT TAKE TOO KINDLY TO STRANGERS! Its taboo to them; they automatically assume that the stranger is a cop. This whole situation just looks bad on my part; he already doesn't like me and this just gave him all the more reason to hate.

"Bill, I really don't like this place, its creepy and there's no cops around..." PAUSE! She just made another big no-no. You never EVER mention the word cop to a dealer, unless you have a death wish.

I met Paul's gaze and the look on his face just told me that I'm screwed.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!" Oh boy, Paul is in his "gangster" mode, which only means he's gonna do something reckless. Sure enough, his hands start reaching for something silver tucked under his shirt, making me shake in anticipation of the worst.

There's a squeal from behind me and I can feel Rosalie grasping for my arm as he lazily points the gun between the two of us. In the back of my mind, I'm praying that Leah has the trunk running.

"Okay, I know what this looks like Paul but..."

"Oh you do, huh? Well why don't you tell me, 'cause it looks like some pig shit to me! I fuckin knew you were suspect...and you just gave me permission to use this."

"Whoa whoa, Paul, just relax man, this ridiculous..you know me, just calm down, okay?

"Fuck that!" He cocks the gun, and it was then that I realize that he's dead serious and that I really need to think of something...and fast!

"Alright man, its chill...just give me my stuff and we'll be on our way. You'll never have to see or talk to me again."

"Your stuff? I don't think you really comprehend the situation here...I have the gun, so that means I have the power, which also means that I have your dough and that I'm keeping it. And you'll be on your way right now homie, unless you want your little pig buddies at the station to receive a call about a 187...'cause I'll be more than happy to oblige."

Okay, I know what I'm about to is probably stupid, but I never said that I'm a smart person.

"Ya know, that sounds all well and dandy, but I paid good money, Paul... and I'm not leaving until I get it back or get my weed..it's your choice."

"WHAT! BELLA HE'S GIVING US A FREE PASS AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS MONEY...AND..AND WEED!" WHAT THEHELL!

"You must be really brave or just really stupid to even suggest such a thing to me. BUT, I'll tell you what, I might reconsider your offer right after the two of you get on your knees and suck my dick!"

That immediately scared Rosalie, but I on the other hand was PISSED! Not only did he just suggest such an atrocity to me, but he had to nerve to say to Rosalie? Oh hell no! Only I can say shit like that to her!

I pursed my lips and made a "clicking" sound with my tongue, before peering at Rosalie with an arched eyebrow; she looked scared out of her mind. And then I thought back on his words.

I'm a very passive person. I let a lot of bullshit slide most of the time, So derogatory things like certain name calling doesn't bother me. You can call me bitch, slut, hoe, cunt, anything, and It won't bother me in the slightest. But the one thing you never EVER do is tell me to suck your dick. That's a big no-no and little baby gangster, Elian Gonzalez needed to learn that the hard way.

"Hmm, suck your dick, huh?" He nodding his head, smirking all the while, but soon that smirk turned into a grimace because I totally just Jet Li'd his balls. And I couldn't just NOT say anything awesome...so I did.

"No, you smoke on my dick bitch, and you better not fuckin choke!"

Awesome, right?

I picked up the gun and through in across the street, and then calmly took the weed and the cash before making my way back to the truck. I was halfway there when Leah started shouted , so I turned around and it was like somebody flicked the lights on and dozens of little cockroaches just came out the wood-works, but these weren't cockroaches, they were men..ANGRY MEN. Then shots were fired, so I kicked it into high gear and got the hell out of there. Leah met us half way and I immediately jumped into the trunk as it skidded off. The pack were still firing shots but due to their poor aim, They only managed to hit my side view mirror.

The next few minutes consisted of random screaming and yelling.

"HOLY FUCKING FUCK BALLS! THAT WAS AWESOME!" I wasn't too surprised by Alice' exclamation, but of course, Rosalie just HAD to rain on her parade.

"Alice, how the fuck was that awesome! WE COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!"

"Oh please Cuntalie, they couldn't have killed us even if we were still in front of them. Firkin live a little for once. They're not tripping off of it, so why should you? Besides, it was a nice cardio, right? Ya know, all that running and whatnot?"

"You are so fucked up! Do you care about anyone but yourself?"

Oh no she didn't! Was this bitch serious? Did she really just try to call ME selfish! Oh ho ho, it's time for a fuckin wake up call!

"Really Rosalie? Did you really just say some shit like that to me? I'm a little confused 'cause I could have sworn I just told SOMEBODY earlier, that I basically liked them, but NO...THEY HAD TO GET ALL UPPITY AND SHIT!

"Oh don't even go there, Bella, because you know that has nothing to do with this!"

"Oh but it does Rosalie. The fact that we were even in that situation is YOUR fault. YOU'RE the reason why I feel like I need this shit!" I reply, pointed to the bag of weed in my lap. " YOU'RE the reason why my heads all fucked up and why I can't stop thinking about you! You want to know one of the thoughts running through my mind when Paul pulled out that gun? YOU! You were the main thought for the past six hours just like you're the main thought now!"

"That's funny, because I could have sworn your main thought was on weed.

"Okay, so I was thinking about getting geeked, BUT I was also thinking about you!...you're the main thought.. you're ALWAYS the main thought!

She's quite now, probably feeling a little overwhelmed, which is understandable.

" If you were REALLY thinking about me back there, then you would have also thought about the consequences of your actions AND you wouldn't have put me in danger like that!"

"OKAY, I fucked up, I get that. I know it was stupid for me to do that, and I realize that I could have been killed and that Paul probably won't hesitate to kill me IF he sees me again..I GET IT, but do you understand where I coming from? Do you realize how much your face torments in every possible way.. to the point where I need to smoke just to have a moment of clarity? I fuckin like you and I know you feel the same way; you're just too uptight to admit it."

"OMG, this is WAY better than the Young and the Restless!"chug-a dick Edward exclaimed, clapping his hands like a child.

"I'm not uptight and I DONT LIKE YOU!"

"Oh my god, why can't you just be honest with yourself for once!"

"I am being Honest! I don't fucking like you! You're immature, a total perv, a slut and a whore!"

"Hey now, I resent that whore comment! I might be a slut but I'm not a whore!" She gave me an annoyed look, so I just shrugged my shoulders.

"See, that's what I mean..you're so immature! And you're beneath me...what could you possible provide for me, Bella... that I don't already have?"

I just knew I looked like I got bitch slapped in the face.

"So that's it, huh? You won't give me a chance because you think I can't "provide" for you?" I couldn't believe what I just heard. "Wow Rosalie, I knew you were a cunt, but now you're just a gold digging cunt." I could feel the anger rising within me with each passing moment. "I sit here and tell you how I feel, and you just spit in my face with the whole "you're beneath" crap! WELL FUCK YOU TOO! No, ya know what? I'm gonna make that a BIG fuck you by giving you TWO middle fingers!

"Um Bella, maybe we should all calm down, yeah?

"Oh, I'm perfectly fuckin chill, Leah!" I really tried to calm down, but this bitch really went overboard.

"You know, Rosalie? Just scratch everything I said about you, 'cause I don't even know why I like you. At first I thought maybe it was the pussy...maybe if I actually fucked you, you'd get that stick out your ass and stopped being so uptight! But I was wrong, and ya know, your pussy wasn't that great either! It's just like you..a fuckin parasite! It just engulfs and sucks the life right out of you! YOU HAVE A VAMP PUSSY, THAT WHAT YOU HAVE!" I'm pretty sure everyone's looking at me like I lost my mind but I don't care, this bitch has to pay! "No, no, no, you know what it reminds me of? That one movie...uh uh..what's the name of that movie ,Leah? The one about the killer vagina." I started snapping my finger in recollection.

"Um, teeth?"

"-Yeah, that's it..teeth! You have a killer vagina that won't stop until it just kills everything in its path!

Okay, so maybe the whole "killer vagina" was a bit over the top, but I couldn't think of anything else at the time.

My anger had me doing about 75mph, so I wasn't too shocked when I realized that we finally made it to our initial destination.

"I totally see why Mike cheated on you, 'cause you a fuckin bitch!

SLAP!

I should have already seen the slap coming, but my anger had blinded me, so when her palm connected with the side of my face, I was a bit stunned along with Leah and the others.

"How dare you! You don't fuckin know me or what I've been through! You're such a jerk!" She's crying her little crocodile tears, like I'm supposed to care or some shit. Sorry sweetheart, but I don't.

I nodded my head and pursed my lips."That slap might have ACTUALLY stung..just a little bit, IF I actually gave a shit about you, but I don't! And I know you VERY well, Rosalie. I know that you're a selfish, self-absorbed, cunt teasing little bitch that goes around spending her daddy's hard earned money...why don't you do something with your life, instead of mooching off of other people? YOU PATHETIC SACK OF SHIT!"

And with that said, I climbed out of the truck and left her sitting there looking like a fucking idiot.

**A/N: Alright, I'd like to apologize if I've offended anyone with the many gay jokes that were aim at Edward. I don't know why it would offend anyone, but I just decided to say it anyway. And I utterly despise Edward, so he will be receiving any and all cock and ball jokes. I would also like to apologize for the Elian Gonzalez comment, no harm intended, but my friend and I were just talking about him and I was like, "what the hell ever happened to that kid?" **

**I've been getting some random PMs from some of my readers about this story, telling me about their weird eating habits or just weird ass family. Some of them were pretty hilarious and some were just..well weird, but still, I totally encourage you guys to PM me whatever messed up story you have. I'm all about funniness over here, so please feel free to entertain me.**

**I would basically like to reiterate what one of my readers said in a review. This ish would never ever happen..it's just a silly ass story, so please don't take it seriously...it's all in good fun people and thank you for the review **_**Me**_**. I'm happy I can provide you with weird entertainment. And that goes for everybody reading this...THANKYOU!**

**"She said" is a song by Young Ray, its old but it's kind of funny. Oh, and I don't own that shit!**

**Slore=slut +whore**

**Geeked= slang for high, basically you're tweaking**

**That whole "red lobster" incident is true. My guy-friend told me he was about to do some random chick, but he pulled down her panties and said that he smelled Joes Crab Shack and replied, "Bitch, fuck taking a stroll down Summer's Eve, run yo ass to the clinic and fix that shit!" It was probably one of the funniest things I've heard.**

**And yes, I honestly can't stand Megan Fox! She's hot and I would totally demolish that shit, but she's a bitch for no apparent reason and it's a turn off. I remember watching some late night show with her and Seth Rogen, and she just acted like a major bitch to him. I don't like that shit!**


	4. Can I get a Big Fuck You?

**A/N: Wow, lots of reviews...me likey ALOT! Just like I like Rosalie! Read and review..please!**

**Shadowcub, queenred12, Sarcasm110011, and Nikkirosalie: Thank you for following so many of my stories. It's nice to hear from some of my loyal readers.**

**OverzealousGuineapig: Yes, I think we would all like to turn lesbo for a night..or forever...and tear that pussy up! Lmao! **

**theboxer: Thank you for the shout out and thank you for pointing out that annoying ass song, Teach me How to Dougie. I hate that shit with a passion. Its wack and you will never ever find me bumping let alone dancing to it.**

**Jay: Yeah, teeth is totally fucked up!**

**Niszanonymous13: Glad I could make you laugh. It's what I do and laughter is the cure to everything!**

**At all my reader: Thank you for all your support, it means a lot**

**Can I Get a Big Fuck You?**

This party is wack for several reasons. One being the fact that all the girls in here are dressed and act like a freaking Barbie, and the other reason is the fact that every other song is TEACH ME HOW TO FUCKIN DOUGIE! I literally want to blow my brains out every time I hear it. Its wack and one of the gayest songs I've ever heard, but you wanna know who makes it ultra gay? Edward, that's who! I mean does he really have to do that shit right in front of me? And then his tight ass dick cutter don't make it any better. What the fuck is the world come to!

I've been sitting against this wall for the past thirty minutes or so, trying to enjoy my current state of extreme highs, induced by a certain "herbal" supplement. But unfortunately ,my attempts to rid my mind of a certain blond bimbo bitch, who shall not be named have failed. I've smoked about two to three joints, and had about three beers; I feel like I'm on mars right now. No, I feel like Winnie the pooh; I just keep seeing Heffalumps and Woozles. But no matter how wasted I get, those Heffalumps and woozles always seem to have Cuntalie's face. I swear that bitch is like Herpes…SHE NEVER GOES AWAY!

"I mean really Leah, who the fuck does that bitch thinks she is! I tell that cunt I fuckin like her and she basically shits on my face!" I really can't tell you what I'm going on about right now, 'cause I'm so far go at this point.

"Bella, I swear to god. If you don't shut the hell up about Rosalie, I'm gonna slap the shit out of you! I mean, god, you've been at for like ten minutes straight...and you're totally blowing my high right now!"

Alright, I wasn't talking about that much! Okay, maybe just a little bit, but I can't help it. She did this shit to me and Besides, it's gotta be better than our usual conversations. The ones I like to call our "nonsense convo's" because every time we get high, we end up talking about some bullshit. Like my favorite, the conversation about how cavemen discovered pussy. I mean, I genuinely thought it was a great topic, because really, how the hell did they know where to put it? Leah says that it's just written in a guys DNA and that they just know, but I say fuck that. You can't tell me that they didn't stick it in every hole they could find. Hell, they probably even tried to stick in the chicks eye for all I know. And then there were the conversations about which celebrities we would fuck. I would always be the dumbass and let Leah pick between the hot chicks, like Sarah Shahi, Nikki Reed, and Kristen Stuart, but Leah would always be an asshole and give me a choice between the ugly broads. That's real fucked up, giving me the option between Oprah, Kirstie Allie and Joan Rivers! Really? Joan Rivers? Sorry, but my choose is and will always be Oprah, twenty chins in all! Shit, I'd probably marry that bitch! Better watch out Gail!

I laughed in recollection of our fun little "past times", which earns me a few weird looks from Alice and Leah.

"Its official, Rosalie has completely shattered whatever brain cells she has left."

"Man, I'm so over her , Leah."

"Yeah, if you say so. But seriously, there's like hella girls in here right now. Just pick one and fuck em….anything to get you to shut up about what's her face. I mean, either work that shit out or shut the fuck up already!

"I'm serious , Lee! I'm over her for real!" She eyes me skeptically. "Dude, seriously! I'm so over her! I'm over the way she smells, those C.S.L lips, the way her ass sits in that dress.." Okay, even I felt a little thirsty by my confession, but I can't help it. Rosalie's a bitch, but she's a fine ass bitch!

"Right, 'cause you're so very clearly over her." She quips sarcastically.

"Oh, so now I'm lying? Okay, I'll prove it! You want me to go flip a bitch? Cause I'll go flip a bitch!" I stumble to my feet with a new found hope and switched my "flip-a-bitch" radar from off to seek and destroy. Because let's face it, somebody in here is gonna get massacred tonight...by me!

My eyes locked onto a nearby target; a brunette with a big dumb-ass booty and curves in just the right places. Her shit was like the sun, moon, and the stars; Astronomers would have a field day on that ass!

With as much swagger as I could muster, I walk right up to Miss New Booty, and just stare at her. Her back is facing me, and I guess her butter-face friends have gotten a little perturbed by my constant staring.

"Um, can I help you?" I'm a bit stunned at how soft her voice is and how good she looks.(**Insert face here, because I'm a lazy fucker and I don't feel like describing the skank, lol.)**

"Why yes, yes you can. I'll take a number one and a number two" I point to her not so cute friends. " A side of those titties and make sure you super size that ass." Alright, I know you guys are probably thinking that I was being stupid, and you probably think I deserved the three slaps and that cup full of piss warm beer, but I couldn't help it. That line usually works..but whatever.

I can hear a few set of giggles from behind me, and I already recognize two of them as Alice and Leah. _Cunts!_ I'm not gonna lie. That did bruise my ego a bit, but I'm not giving up until I gets the booty! So with that fucked up mind set, I decide that its basically on to the next one.

"Hello, my name is fuck you, which is what I see myself doing in like five minutes."

SMACK!

"So, what time do you open?"

SMACK!

"Damn girl, you look like you could suck out my spine with them lips!" Okay, that actually hurt! She punched me right in the gut, making me double over in pain. But I did get a good look under her skirt and Surprise! No panties! "Those other lips don't look too bad either!" I say between gasps of air and I once again felt that warm liquid making its way onto my face.

I'm seriously thinking about just calling it quits, but hold on, I think I just found what I was looking for. There, standing on the opposite wall, is sex on legs. She's blond and she almost reminds me Cuntalie, and yeah, that should be a good enough reason for me to stay away but what can I say?

"So, you wanna fuck or what?" I think it's best to just get to the point.

"Excuse me?" Is this bitch deaf? I'm pretty sure I was more than a little clear.

"I said, would you...like to...go upstairs...get naked...and fuck?" This time I made sure to she heard what I said.

"What do you think I am...some kind of slut!"

"Uh yeah, yes I do think you're a slut. Now is that a yes or a no?" She scoffs as if she shocked, but her demeanor soon changes.

"Confident and straight to the point. I like that." _Yeah, and I'd like to mess up that pretty little mouth of yours!_ "So, what's your name?" I'm really getting tired of this small talk bullshit! I'm just tryna fuck and suck, but this chick wants to play 21 questions!

"My friends call me pussy, as in monster. That's all you need to know."

"Pussy Monster, Huh? Wonder why they call you that." She replies, giving me a coy smile. _Well, you wouldn't HAVE to wonder if you'd shut the hell up and get into one of those rooms! _ "Well," I begin, annoyance clear in my voice."They call me that, because I like to hide under beds and in closets, wait until you're asleep and then fuck you." She giggles like a school girl and gives my arm a small little slap, which is a clear sign that I'm already in there.

"Well, what do you wanna do?" What did I wanna do! Not only did I just reiterate what I wanted to do, but I basically said it in slow motion!

"Well, whatever your name is. I would like to mess up your vag and possibly your face."

"I don't think my boyfriend would like that very much." She starts drawing slow, lazy patterns that leads from my forearm, and stops straight to the back of my neck, where she pulls me forward forces my lips onto hers.

I don't know how, but we manage to get upstairs and into one of the empty bedrooms.

"I don't usually do stuff like this." She says in between kisses as we both fumble with our clothing. _Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night bitch! _"You don't really think I'm a slut, do you?"She completely stops her ministrations and in the back of my mind, I just picture myself slapping her over and over again.

"Yeah, I do but...totally in a good way." It was most definitely a lie, but how else was I suppose to get things going again? I can see her debating this information as I continue to ravish her neck and shoulders.

"Oh, Okay!" _Just like a freaking Barbie._ We stumble backwards on top of the bed with me hovering over her and in between her legs; both of our pants discarded. Our lips collide with a wet "smack" as I fondle her flesh, and my hips automatically glide over her pelvic area in seek of friction. And it feels good, but I need more. I practically rip open her shirt, and luckily for me she isn't wearing a bra. I waste no time in going to work on those apricot tits. She moaning like crazy and grabbing my ass, making me grind into her harder.

Vicky, my vagina, is still clad in her little boy shorts, but she can still feel the heat coming off the chick below me. I shift a little, so that my right hand is at the apex of her thighs, and I take the hem of her thongs and slide them down her legs. I take my time in discovering just how warm her little snatch is. My hand glides over her small patch of hair and stops right at that pool of wetness.

"Man, you're like a slip-n-slide down here." I'm trying so hard to control my breathing but the sounds and her smell is making it so hard for me.

"Is that a good thing?" She says just before I pinch her clit, making her cry out . Was it a good thing? Was the invention of brownies a good thing? Hell yes! "Oh yeah, it's a fuckin great thing!" I tease her bit, gliding my hands around lazily, and getting everything nice and wet before I enter her. The first thing I notice is that she's unbelievably tight, like super tight, which I wasn't really expecting. But it was the soft whimper and the sight of tears that really caught me off guard.

"What, what's the matter? Why are you crying?" She doesn't say anything, just silently cries. "Is it because of the whole slut thing? Look, don't worry about it...we're all sluts at one point in time. Hell, I'm a major slut!"

"No, it's not that. It's just...I'm a bit tender. It is my first time you know?"

I sat there for a moment, just staring off into to space and trying to figure if I truly just heard her correctly. Did she just say what I think she said?

"I'm sorry. Could you repeat that, because I thought I just heard you say you were a virgin?" My face is calm, but in the inside I'm freaking out. I mean, I've never taken anybody's virginity. That's kind of taboo for me, because from what I've seen and heard , virgins tend to get a little clingy. I've seen it so many time with Leah and Emmet, and I realize that I'm contradicting myself since I did say that I want to get into o Angela's pants, who is still a virgin, from what she tells me. But Angela is different. Why is she different? It's simple, I like Angela, whereas I don't even know , nor do I care for this bitch. So, I'd rather have a clinging Angela rather than a some random clingy broad.

"You're joking, right?" My voice is pleading, desperate even, but the look on her face tells me that's she not joking. She serious. Dead fucking serious. But just to make sure she isn't pulling some sick ass joke, I put my finger at eye level and visibly cringe at the sight of blood.

SHIT! No! FUCK, SHIT, BITCH, MOTHERFUCKER, CUNT BAG, WHORE, MAN-GINA, FUCKIN FUCKITY FUCK!

"WHAT THE FUCK? This can't be happening...you can't be a fuckin virgin...right! That shirt, pants, and that thong has FUCK ME written all over it!" I'm rambling now. "I mean, WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING BEFORE!" She opens her mouth to say something but I just cut her off. "No, you know what? don't say anything...just stay the hell away from me!"

"Oh, so what? You just wanted to get into my pants!"

"UH YEAH! I TOLD YOU WHAT I WANTED FROM THE JUMP!" I could tell she's scared, so I try taking a few breaths to calm my nerves. "Look, whatever you're name is..."

"-Its Nessie."

"Right, Nessie. I'm sorry, Okay? I'm not tryna be a douche or anything, but my whole day has literally just been shit. I'm sexually frustrated and all I wanted was a quick suck and fuck...that's all. But this...you being a virgin is too much. It's too much responsibility and I don't have time to hold your hand."

"I should have known girls were no different! You're just like my boyfriend!"

"Look, I don't know what you were expecting, but this was obviously a mistake..." She cut my speech short when she threw her fuckin hooker boot at the side of my face.

"FUCK! BITCH! WHAT THE FUCK!"

"-GET OUT! GET YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT!" She starts throwing my clothes at me, and I'm just sitting there wondering how this bitch is trying to throw me out of a room that isn't even hers.

"Wow Bella, you look like shit! Am I right to assume she fucked you good?"

"No! For one, I don't get fucked, I do the fucking...or at least in this particular situation, but whatever. And two, that bitch is crazy as fuck!"

"What, was she into that 'two girls and one cup' shit?"

"Fuck no! She's a fucking virgin..or at least she was."

"What! Are you serious? No fuckin way!" She starts laughing like the shits funny.

"Its not funny , Leah! Its serious!"

"I know, I know! I'm sorry!" She says in between fits of laughter."Its just a surprise. I mean, the boots..and the outfit? Yeah, that shit did not say virgin on it!"

"I know, right?" I just flipped out! And I do feel hella bad about it, especially since she was crying, but what the fuck? I get her all wet and ready and she lays that she on me?" I say, shaking my head in disbelief." And I'm still horney as fuck!"

"That sucks, but at least you know that she's clean."

"True. So, anything happen while I was gone?" Leah gives Alice a "look" and then eyes me warily.

"Well, nothing happen while you were gone...but something's definitely happening right now."

"What the hell does that mean?" She just nods her head, so I follow her gaze and I'm furious!

That fuckin ashy dick, man-bear is all up on my shit. He and Rosalie are practically fucking on the dance floor, and I know she doing it on purpose 'cause her eyes keep darting over to my direction. I watch in pure disgust and in a bit of lust as she grinds into his pencil dick. The site is enough to send me over the edge and I'm not even the one touching her.

_Fuckin Beast wars better watch his sasquatch hands! But man, that shit is fuckin hot! I don't have a dick, nor do I want one but if I did, my shit would be hard as a rock. Hell, id be so hard, you'd practically see my shit from outer space!_

"Look, it's obvious that you're not over her, so maybe you should go talk to her?"

"Fuck that! I'm not tal..."

"-Bella!" I immediately perk up at the sound of a familiar voice; something I've been waiting to hear all night.

"Heyyyy Ang!"

"-Wow, what the hell was that?"

"What?" I look towards Leah, who eying me with an amused look on her face.

"That, your voice just went up like ten octaves...not very smooth." She chuckles and my only response is to stick my tongue out at her.

"Oh, that's very mature."

"Whatever, I gotta go say hi to my boo." I waste no time in getting away from Leah, since I know she's gonna say something smart. I'm fully aware of a certain Blonde watching my every movement.

_Two can play that game bitch!_

**A/N: Alright, so this chapter was suppose to be the last chapter and a bit longer, but my computer is acting a bit stupid, so I might have to either extend it later on or just make it into a new chapter. I might actually redo the whole thing and just make it longer depending on how I feel, idk.**

**C.S.L= Cunt sucking lips.**

**Yes, I do have names for my vagina, but Vicky is not one of them. Lol!**

**That whole "smack" scene is true. I do it occasionally when I'm drunk and I got slapped a couple of times, but let's just say that when it was all said and done, I was the one doing the slapping...in the sheets! Lmao! Its game that I like to call "slap em up". You guys should try it.**


	5. Let's Play a Game

**A/N: I'd like to thank everybody for their support, its most appreciated. Um I felt like I had been dicking you guys around for too long, so I wrote this chapter. Its was suppose to be longer but my brain isn't really functioning at the moment. And yes, I will update the Twisted games we play...they've been waiting a long time for that. I just ask that you be a bit more patient...don't really feel like dealing with the whole "relationship drama." Got enough of that already. And no, I'm not gonna kill myself for those who are wondering..just need some time. I'm single now, but on chill mode...so if you're looking to chill with..hit me up. Read and review..or don't, whatever.**

**Curious Fan: I have no clue what happen to **_**the boxer**_**. I think she may have changed her profile name or something.**

**OverzealousGuineapig: What do you owe me? I think alittle hop on my lap should suffice, lol...and I'm only half playing, btw;)**

**Mizanonymous13: My bad, I so totally spelled your name wrong last time. Lol, and I love you too, sweetness. And yes, all of them would be heaven.**

**queenred, ShadowCub, nikkiRosalie, DeadlyXivy, Sarcasm110011 and whomever I may have forgotten: Thanks for following so many of my stories...Love ya!**

**Emmetts-my-teddybear1915: Yes, that was a "going the distance' reference...love that movie.**

**the boxer: Where ever you are, stop hiding and update(like I should talk) before I send my pussyninjas after that ass! Lol, where u at?**

** All my reader. new and old, thank you for reading and enjoying my piece of crap. Its highly appreciated.**

**Dee12: You're next on my assassination list if you don't update...I love that Election story:)**

**A/N: Forgive any grammar mistakes...was in a hurry.**

**Let's play a Game**

"Ang, heyyyy!" I immediately envelope her into a hug; she smells like cherries. "I was starting to think you stood me up." I say, pulling back slightly.

"Yeah, sorry. Work was kinda hectic. How are you? You look...royally fucked." She's giggling now and I can't help but smile in return.

"Oh, ya know. Rick Rossin it..not lovin these hoes." This earns another set of giggles and a weird look.

"Okayyyy, big meech...been whippin that work, huh?"

"Oh I stays whippin that work!"

"Righhhttt. That's uh...very gangsta of you."

"I know, right?" I give a cheeky grin to which she mirrors.

We fall into idle conversation, just catching up on everything and nothing. I'm doing my best to ignore Rosalie, who's eyes keep shifting this direction every so often. She's still listening to grizzly Adams, who's talking about something wack, no doubt. She knows I'm watching which is why she's openly flirting with that Taylor Launter reject. And then that fucker actually has the nerve to get bold! He's slowly moving the hand that was currently resting on her shoulder towards her thin waist.

"Bella!" I shake those very nice thoughts of me crushing his little baby nuts in my hand.

"Hmm? I'm sorry, what was that?" My eyes return to the very confused looking Angela. She turns her attention where my eyes had currently been glued and I assume she locks eyes with Rosalie, because she makes a"Tch" sound and glares at me.

"Alright." She begins; determination clearly written on her face. "What's going on with you and Rosalie?"

I try my hardest to keep the look of indifference on my face, but I can tell by the look she's giving me that I have failed...miserably.

"I don't know what you're talking."

"Really, Bella! I'm not stupid. You've been giving her "looks" ever since I got here!"

"Tch, whattt? I haven't been giving her...looks!"

"Mhmm. That's very convincing, Bella. She smiles and shakes her head. "You're so into her and you know it!"

"Gah! I'm not into..._that_! She's..she's ugly! And a twat-teasing little cunt!"

"Okay. Rosalie is alot of things..but ugly is not one of them."

"Whatever! Can we please stop talking about this, PLEASE?"

"Whatever you say, Bella. Wait, since Rosalie and Alice are here, does that mean Edwards here too?" I couldn't do anything but shake my head as she gave me look that I could only describe as hope. Angela Met the Cullen last year when she dropped off my birthday present; it was a book and that's so like her. Anyway, ever since then she's developed some weird infatuation with dick boy. I've told here plenty of times that he's gay but she just doesn't seem to get it.

"Yeah, he's here..and he's queer. Now can we please talk about something else...like us?"

"He's not gay! He may be a bit feminine but he's not gay...he's too cute!" I immediately wanted to throw up; cute and Edward to not mix.

"Angela, have you seen him lately? His walk? his style...his MOUTH! He's ultra, mega gay! She's giving me a skeptical look.

"I don't believe you...he just can't be!"

"Yeah well, why don't you ask his mouth? It's had plenty of conversations with Jaspers dick. She laughs and pushes me slightly. "I'm telling you he's gay, Ang. Infact, he's probably gurgling Jasper's ball as we speak."

"I'm still not buying it. I mean, I'd have to see it to believe it."

"Oh trust me, you don't wanna see it. I have..and it was the scariest thing I have ever seen."

"Scary?"

"Yeah. If you would have seen that..that overly gay twinkle in his eyes..and..and when Jasper was about to.." I turn away , putting my fist to my mouth as if I'm trying to hold back tears." I can't even speak of the atrocity," I sniffle and continue," I felt like I was becoming gayer and gayer with each passing moment that I stared into his rainbow eyes." I finally say, doubling over in laughter as she stares at me dumbly.  
"You are such an ass" She smiles and shoves me a bit more.

"But seriously, Ang. What's up with me and you?"

"Absolutely nothing. That's what."

"Say whattt? Tch, Ang, why do we always play these little games?" She turns heard away shyly as I give her an intense stare; my left hand is busying itself against her thigh. Angela has this whole "shy and innocent" thing going on, but deep down I know there's a freak in there...and I'm tryna unleash it!

"I mean, you already know I like you. You've known for years. So we should just go upstairs and go half on a non-existent baby." Yeah, I went there.

She lets out this really crazy donkey laugh, which seems to get Rosalie's attention, along with everyone else's.

"You're mad funny, Bella. Butttt..it's not going to happen."

"And why not? I know you feelin me...both mentally and physically."

"You know why, Bella."

"Well, if you're gonna say Ben...then no, no I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh really? seems like you know EXACTLY what I'm talkin about."

"Mannnnn...FUCCCKKKKK BENNNN! He's a douche!"

"He's so not a douche!"  
"Yeah huh! Anybody who isn't me is automatically a douche!"

"Wow, that's so grown up of you, Bella." She says sarcastically while giving a cheeky grin.

"I KNOW RIGHT!" Pretty soon I'll be going potty all by myself!"

"You're unbelievable_"_

"So I've been told, sweetness." I smile brightly. "Now, back to me..possibly smashing on you?"

"What part of Ben don't you understand?"

"Umm, the part where his dick isn't bigger than mines."

"Funny, Cause last time I checked...you don't have a dick.

What is it about today that has everybody doubting Bella Jr?

"Neither does Ben. Anddd I do so have a dick..and I guarantee if you let me fuck, whoever manages to pull it from your Vag..will automatically become the king OR queen of England."

And there's the weird donkey laugh.

"You're really on a roll tonight, huh?"

"Yeah, and I'd be on an even bigger roll if u get Na.."

"-Bella, don't you say it!"

"-ked.."

"No."

"Ugh! Look, I want you; you want me..so let's go half on a baby."

"Not gonna happen."

"Okay, what does he have that I don't?"

"You mean besides brain cells? Uhhh, I don't know...maybe a filter for any and everything perverted..you might wanna invest in one of those."

"Why have a filter, when all you gotta do is sit on my face? Then nothing will come out..well except for my tongue that is."

"I'm not even gonna comment on that one."

"Angela, just give me one night. ONE night of debauchery. And by debauchery I mean sex, and by sex I mean with me, and by with me I mean upstairs, and by upstairs I mean..."

"-Okay! I get it...but the answer is still no!"

"Why do you keep denying us what we both want? I'm tellin you, Ben aint got shit on me...he can't do what I do."

"Oh? And what's that, Bella?"

"Fuck ya so good, til yo pussy got no juice.." MY mind started running rapid as I begin debating whether or not I should continue young Weezy's great words of wisdom. And as if she could read my mind, Angela started singing along; our voices completely in synch as we sing our little tune.

"And ya cant produce, so you won't be needin that baby..cause all you really need is weezy eff baby!"

"God, I love you, Ang. You're always so much FUN!" I say as I try to calm myself.

"Good times..good times."

There was a pause. "Sooo, does this mean I'm gonna get to see your love faces?" That annoyed look was back. "I mean, if we're not gonna fuck...you can at least let me hump your leg?" I'm only half kidding about the hump thing; I just like getting her all frustrated. It's the asshole in me.

"Okay, I'm done." She attempts to get up but I grab her wrist and gently guide her into my lap.

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry...I'll be good."

"Ya know, if you put half this much effort into pursuing Rosalie...you'd probably have her by now." Here we go AGAIN!

"Are we seriously back to her again!"

"Yes, because I know you like her."

"Ugh, for the last time...IDONT LIKE HER! She's a.."

"-Cuntmangling whore? Yes, so you've told me...but you still like her."

"Angela..." I say warningly.

"Look me in the eye..right now and tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you don't like her." Better yet, let's play a game."

I sigh heavily; I just know that I'm not gonna like this "game."

"If you can look me in the eye and seriously tell me you don't like her. Then...we'll go make that "non-existent baby." I immediately perk up at the last statement. _Maybe ill like this game after all_?" But if you lie, and you know I'll be able to tell, then you lose and you'll have to go talk to her"

Umm yeahhh...we're just gonna pretend like I didn't say what I said earlier. I'm gonna hate this game.

"Alright..you're on. Butttt...you have to Bens a douche, andddd you have to agree that Edwards gay, if I win."

"Fine. You ready?" There's an amused look on her face and something else.

"Oh I was born ready...ready to get them panties that is!'

She turns a little bit more so that she facing me properly in my lap, but not in a perverted way. It's a shame really.

My heart is pounding in my chest and I can feel the sweat accumulating on my forehead. I can still see Rosalie from my peripherals; she still with Jake and I'm doin my best not to glance over there.

"So, Bella. Do you like Rosalie?"

A lump is forming in my throat way before she finishes her question. I feel the word trying to sink into my brain but I'm afraid my mind tends to wander under pressure. And right now its wandering towards Rosalie...a naked and moaning Rosalie to be exact. The only words I can think to say just spill from my mouth without warning.

"If you're sexy and you know it let me smash!"

The unmistakable look of confusion on Angela face tells me that I might have gave myself away.

"Oh my gosh, what?" She's laughing uncontrollably now and for the first in a very long time..I blush. "Never mind, I think I got my answer."

"Nuh huh! That doesn't even count..I never said I did or I didn't!"

"Alright, well tell me now then. Do you like her, Bella?" The more I stare into her eyes, the more I know that I can't possibly lie to her.

"Yes," I mumble with my head down shamefully.

"I'm sorry..what was that?" She's not even trying to hide the glee in her voice.

"Yes, okay! I like her1'

"I knew it! Ha ha, oh wow! You should really know better than to challenge me."

"Whatever. Edwards still gay."

"Ohhhhh, don't be such a sour puss! Now, when are you gonna talk to her..it has to be before the night over. Anddd that in about an hour or so? Better hop to it."

Great! Fuck my fuckin life! Why the fuck did I have to agree to this...oh, that's right, I HAD PUSSY ON THE BRAIN! UN-FUCKIN-BELIEVABLE.


	6. Come Again?

**A/N: Oh dear, seems like I've kept alot of people waiting. Guess its a good thing I decided to update, since some of you think its okay to make promising threats of taking my black cherry. No thank you, I like my butt-hole in tact. Lets see...**

**Aj-the-stalker: This is how I see that whole skateboard/dougie thing poppin off. kids minding his/her own business, doing that wack ish..then BAM! He/she accidentally runs over a rather large tree branch(conviently put there by me of course) skids face first down a hill, where he will be sexually assaulted by a gang of rabid dogs...doing the dougie on his face! lmao, nahhh that a bit harsh, but you really should of slap the shit outta that kid.**

**the boxer: I found that ass, lol. Oh yeaaa, you can change yo name as much as you like but I will **_**always**_**find that ass! My ninjas and I never fail at finding asses...hmm that dint come out right, or did it?:D**

**anonymous: well sweetums, if you read my profile then you'd know that im whatever you want to be;) I could be Usher and you can be my lil freak, lol. I could tell you now but it kinda takes away from the whole "suave/mysterious" thing I got going on. Buttt if you really wanna know then meet me in my bedroom; Ill tell you right after I luv ya down!;-) Oh, bring the whip cream and handcuffs. Might have to wait like 15 minutes cause I gotta do dishes, but i figure you can help me with that...ya know, I wash, you rinse, and then Ill rinse that ass! lmao, let me stop before I scar you for life.**

**All my readers: Thanks for your support and for kinda being patient. Read and review, cuntmufflers...luv ya!**

** Come Again?**

"Mannnn, its not like she gonna listen to me! I tried and if you haven't noticed, she too busy tryna chug on Jacobs dick..."

"-Oh please, Bella. She's been staring holes into the side of your face for the past hour. I guarantee she hasn't heard a single word Jacob has said. And talking, Bella, is a whole different subject for you...talking is more like foreplay to you.."

Hehe, that's so true. I shake those thoughts out of my head as Angela eyes me expectantly.

"Look, what do you want me do? She's sooo stubborn! Not to mention self-conscious...she cares way too much about what other people think to even try to let me in."

" Bella, she's human. What do you expect? She's not like you, Bella...cocky, arrogant..not to mention a total perv.."

I couldnt help the lecherous smirk that's no doubt plastered on my face; she's right about the pervin.

"You gotta be delicate with this. Be gentle."

That sounds hella gay to me. Gentle is not my thing.

"Yeah, I agree with Angela." Whoa, where the fuck did Clay Aiken Jr come from?

"What the fuck, cock-ward! How bout a little warning next time..?"

"Well as you would say, 'my bad.'But seriously, I totally agree with Angela. You should talk to her. Your best bet is to get her alone though. That way she wont feel pressured or influenced by anyone else. You and I both know how she gets around everyone else..."

"Pssh! Since when have you taken an interest in your sisters problems? Matter of fact, what the hell do you know about girls, cock-ward? I've never seen, let alone heard you speak of pussy."

"Ugh, do you always have to be so vulgar, Isabella? Its so un-lady like.."

"Oh dont worry about me being un-lady like. I get the feeling that you're _lady_ enough for the both of us. And its Bella!"

"See! You ever think that this is the reason why she wont give you a chance? You're so unbelievably immature that its not even funny."

Thats the second time today that somebody told me I was immature. That should tell me something about myself right? That maybe I need to reevaluate myself?

"Ya know what? You guys are totally right. I've been such an ass lately." I look towards the said girl of my problems before abruptly standing up. "Im gonna talk talk to her. But you, my little smurf," I say to Edward as I ruffle his already messy hair. "You need to tell smurfette over here, that you only let Jasper smurf on your smurf-stick." I dont even try to hold in my laughter as I climb over the couch; but not before I hear Edwards reply.

"Yup. Im afraid its true, Angela." I dont get a chance to hear Angela's reply because im already taking nervous steps towards my target. Im about halfway there when she notices me, and for a second I actually think she's gonna..I dont know, welcome me? But of course thats just wishful thinking when it comes to Rosalie; she completely just ruins the moment and reminds me of why I love to hate her. She perks ups as soon as she catches my eye and just smashes her lips against Jakes. And its then that I realize that im making a mistake; Rosalie is and will always be a beautiful fucking disaster...and im not gonna sit here and make myself look like an idiot. I turn around, intending to continue my pursuit of Angela but im immediately met with a cold stare from Miss virgin suiside.

"YOU! You did this to me," she's holding up a pair of thongs, which seems to be leaking some red kool-aid. Ewww.

"Aye! What the hell is wrong with you!" She's shoving me with her freaking bloody marry panties.

"I thought you were different!" Im doing my best to block both her hits and the panties.

"Hey, hey, hey! Calm down!"

"No, you took my virginity and just..." She pauses and stops her assault, so I take a chance at peeking through my arm guards and notices she eyeing something behind me.

"Jake, what the fuck is this!" Nessie shoves past me and heads straight towards Jacob and Rosalie. I know I probably shouldn't sit here and watch, especially since Jacob will probably murder me if he finds out about Nessie, but what can I say? I love drama.

"What the fuck, Jacob! Im gone for like an hour and you're already pushing up on some random skank!"

Wow, somebody has some nerve. Weren't we just fucking like not even two hours ago? Not that I blame her cause, I mean, Jacobs definitely lacking when it comes to sex.

"Skank!" Oh boy, Rosalie pissed, and not just pissed...sexy pissed. I smell a sexy cat-fight!

"Whoa, whoa, babe. Calm down, okay? Its not what you think..."

Oh its definitely what she thinks alright.

Nessie unleashes her assault on Jake, and even tries to land a few hits on Rosalie, but she's not having any of that; im just standing there with a big dumb ass grinch grin on my face. This is sooo fucking awesome!

" I suggest you get your bitch in line, jacob, before I do it for you."

Oh shit, no she didn't!

I dont know what the fuck happened. All I know is that it got dead quiet and I swear it was like somebody just screamed "chick fighhhttt!" Then all hell broke loose. Im talking full on mayhem; chairs and shit being thrown, and all im trying to is get the hell up outta here. I dont know where the eff Leah is or anybody for that matter.

"Bella! Hmph! Hey, get off me!" I can make out Angela's figure a few feet ahead of me; Some random douche is trying to rub up on her and im doing my best to get to her but its way too much chaos.

"Hey, get the fuck off her!" I dont waste anytime in punching the guy square in the jaw. I grab Angela's hand and I intend on shoving my way past the pissy ass bodies, but my actions are halted when I feel this sharp pain against the side of my face. I feel something cold and wet right after I grab for Angela's hand. I can see bits and pieces of small glass clinging to my shirt, along with blood and the smell of booze. It would seem as if I just got my face crack open by a beer bottle; a present from that douche bag I just punched no dont.

_Ouch! Thats really fucked up. This shit fuckin hurts!_

Too bad I dont actually get to voice these words, cause not even a moment later im engulfed in total blackness.

Fast forward a bit.

"Isabella? Isabella, can you hear me?" I immediately recognize that voice as Edwards; I might not be fully conscious but I know Edwards the only one that calls me by my full name...that douche!

"Thats Bella to you, ass-ward." I say as my eyes begin to flutter open. I immediately cringe when I come face to face with cock-smith; not my ideal person to wake up to.

"Yeah, she's definitely okay."

I let my eyes readjust to all the familiar faces as I do my best to sit up from what I assume is the couch.

"Bella, maybe you should take it easy?"

"Im good, Ang." I smile brightly but immediately regret it; im painfully reminded of the throbbing in my head.

"What the fuck happend!"

"You fainted. There was a fight..and well things got a bit outta hand. Jake pretty much threw everyone out...aside from us of course."

I hadn't even realized how quiet it was until she mention something; there are still a few people here...but very few.

"How long was I out?"

"Hmm, bout fifteen or twenty minutes. I think you should probably get that looked at," Leah points towards my head which feels like its securely wrapped tight in some kind of clothe. "Jake wanted to call 911 but.."

"-No need. Umm.. Who uh..who..?" I begin, pointing towards the clothe on my head, but the pain is keeping me from continuing.

"I did." I may be slightly dazed at this moment but there's no way I heard correctly, cause that voice sounded just like Rosalie's. She's sitting a few feet away; exactly where my feet is resting with a look of concern etched across her sickeningly beautiful face. I take the time to fully take her in because I know that I probably wont ever see her look so...normal; I then notice the small droplets of stained blood thats coated her dress. Even with **the ruined dressed, she still looks beautiful.**

_Ugh, what the fuck is wrong with me? This is like the third time I said THAT word, and by THAT word I mean beautiful. Bella doesnt do beautiful! Sexy? Yes. Fuckable? Definitely! But beautiful? There's only two people who will ever hear those words and thats my ma and granny._

_"Im tellin ya, B. This broad is turning us all mushy and girly and shit. I dont even know who we are anymore. Its like that movie _Invasion of The Body Snatchers..._but with PUSSY! They just come and turn us into some pussy-whipped bitches! And we dont do pussy-whipped...aint that right, B?"_

Damn right Im right! I dont do pussy-whipped! Well maybe if it was pussy _with _whipped cream, but yeah, I dont do pussy-whipped. And now I know theres definitely something wrong with me because im sitting here having a conversation with myself!

Im so deep in thought that I dont even realize im staring at Rosalie..rather intently; however, I am aware of everyone else's eyes on us. Its almost as if they're trying to gauge our reactions.

"right," I say, finally breaking eye contact and attempting to sit up.

"Bells, I really think you should just take it easy..."

"-Im good, lee. Just need to go to the bathroom." They watch me stumble to my feet. "Anybody?" they stare at me dumbly. "Um, the bathroom...anybody know where it is?"

"Oh! Um, upstairs and to the right I think."

I follow the directions that Leah gives me and sure enough my path leads me to the bathroom. _Wonder why I hadn't notice this door before? Oh right, my tongue was way too busy doing delicious things to what's-her-face. Its a shame really, cause this bathroom would of been the perfect place to tongue her down. Scented candles, nice spacious bathtub...ohhh yeah! Could of had a nice time in here...HOLY SHIT!_

Thats all I can say as I stare in the mirror. I dont need to remove the clothe to know that my head is pretty much fucked...the evidence is pretty much seeping through the sides.

Its painful but i cant help but think that the scar, which im more than sure I'll have is gonna make me look...I dont know, cooler..edgier?"( If thats even a word)

_Ouch! Fuck that hurts! _I immediately wince when my fingers graze my face. _Smart, Bella. Thats real nice...like it wasn't suppose to hurt?_

Not even five minutes after I get into the bathroom, some ass-hole tries barging in.

"Hey shit-head, somebodies in he.." I stop mid-sentence as im once again met with the stunning face of Rosalie fucking Hale. _Great._

"Dont you ever knock" I ask as she basically shoves past me to get all the way in. "I mean, I could of been double clicking my _mouse _for all you know.." Yeah I know, im an ass, but what can I say?

She rolls her eyes, which isn't a surprise. "And some how I dont really put it past you."

And again, blame the ass-hole in me but i cant just not fuck with her. She brought it on herself ya know.

"Soooo you want to see me 'surf the internet' huh?" Theres an audible sigh and then I watch as she crosses her arms and leans against the sink. "I knew you were a freak on the low, " I say flashing her my signature fuck-me-smirk.

"Tch, why do you always have to be such a pervert?" Um maybe because its what I do best? Everybody should know this by now.

"Well, I'll tell you right after you tell ME why YOU always gotta be such an uppity cunt?

Then she does something Im not expecting. She challenges me, but not just any challenge, oh no people, this challenge was that of shit, and by shit I mean shit talking.

"If im a cunt, then you're a cunt guzzling queen!"

"Twat-knockin snarfblaster!

"Apocalyptic pussy pirate!" She's pretty good at this.

"Cock-smith!"

"Shaft-diver!" With each insult our bodies become increasingly closer.

"Yum-yum titty bopper!"

"Cockmanglin Jabbawockee!"

"Mannnn yo ol alabaster skin havin, party in my ass havin, fugley ass mud-duck!" Oh yeah, that was good one. No way she's coming back from that one...

"-Cocktastic, knuckle baby, tit-twat!" Shit that was good one too, and what the fuck is a knuckle baby?

"What the hell is a knuckle baby?"

"You should know. Its what you are and I did get it from _your_ brother after all."

_Knuckle baby, knuckle baby...what the fuck is that? And why the hell am I actually thinking about it?_

But I cant just _not_ think about it, cause really, what the fuck is it?

"Oh my god. Are you actually thinking about?"

"No!"

"Right. If you really must know...then its the 'residue jizz left on the hand after a guy wanks. According to Emmet, anyway..."

_Fuck! Thats actually one of the best insults I've ever heard. Quick, Bella, think of something!_

"Oh, okay...Mumf!"

"What? What the hell was that! Not only does that not make sense but its like three minutes after the fact. You cant come back from a come back three minutes later, its irrelevant!"

This whole conversation is irrelevent so what's her point?

"Well frankly m'dear, I dont give a fuck. And again, it doesnt have to make sense, sweet cheeks, cause Im totally awesome!"

"Whatever."

its quiet for a moment, she's staring off to the side, trying to avoid my gaze.

"Ya know, Rosalie," I begin, finally getting her full attention. "I have to admit that Im kinda surprised. I mean, I never knew you were fluent in the art of speaking Bullshit." I end my remark with a genuine smile, which seems to surprise her; she seems much more relaxed by this.

"Yeah well, guess theres alot you dont know about me. But I guess I have Emmet to thank for those comments..."

"Oh, yeah? Guess there isn't alot that I know about you...specially one being the fact that you like to conviently tongue fuck random guys right in front of me!" Well so much for the moment of softness, that glare is back full force.

"Oh please! You're one to talk...im not the one hookin up with bloody fucking Marry, and her red kool-aid stained panties!"

"touche', Rosalie. But why do you care?"

"I dont." She says, wiggling her head like a snake.

"Right. If you dont care, then why are you here, right now, at this very moment?"

"I..I dont care. I just came to give you this ice-pack." Which she just so happened to conviently have outta nowhere.

I can only shake my head. "Again, Rosalie. If you dont care about me, or what I do...then why are you here, with me? Shouldn't you be out there sluttin that butt for teen wolf?"

She concentrating hard on the floor, biting her lip and more than likely trying to come up with an excuse.

"See, you cant even be honest with yourself. Not even when its just you and me..."

"-Ugh! I dont have to explain myself to you!" She throws the pack at my chest and moves to the door, she's wiggling the handle fiercely but it wont open.

"What the hell is wrong with this door!"

"Rose, here...let me do it..."

"No, I got it!" My hands grasps for hers and the doorknobs. "I said I got it!"

"You're pulling it too hard!" (hehe, thats what she said) Wow that sounds highly sexual. "Rose, you're gonna break...," no sooner than the words leave my mouth, theres a distinct sound of metal clanking and nails hitting the floor; we're staring dumbly at the handle in our hands. "It." She whips her head upward and looks at me as if its my fault.

"Great, now look at what you did..."

"-Me! Im not the one who came barging in here like a fuckin chimpanzee, going ape-shit and literally flying off the fucking handle!"

"Whatever." Ugh, I swear thats like her comeback for everything!

So im officially stuck in this fucking bathroom with the one person who loves to hate me. Im laying in the tub, while she's leaning against the door and fiddling with her phone.

"Gah! You've got to be kidding me, theres no reception in this freaking bathroom..." I calmly whistling a tune, which ironically just so happens to be _trapped in the closet._

"I mean its been like what, fifteen minutes? You'd think _somebody _would be worried about us."

Thats probably because they think we're fucking, which doesnt sound like a bad idea.

"Did you tell anybody that you were up here...did they see you?"

"No, and not that I know of."

Thats smart. "So wait. You came here out of sheer will...not because they forced you?"

"-I wouldn't think too much into it to, if I were you."

"Fucks sake, why do you feel the need to get so damn defensive about everything? You never let your guard down!"

"And why would I need to do that? You dont." I sit up slightly to her response so that my upper half is leaning over the tubs edge.

"Yeah, I know. But I am now. Im being completely open and honest with you right now...or at least Im willing to be." Her only retort is to huff, so I take that as my initiative. "Look, lets just be real for a moment mkay? Its only you and me, Rose, so just stop..stop being so afraid..."

"-Afraid? Im not _afraid_ of anything."

"You are afraid, Rose. If you weren't then you'd be honest with yourself."

"Honest about what, Bella! Hmm?" Welp, thats angers back..and full force.

"About you and me."

"You and me? There is no you and me, nor will there ever be!" She turns her attention back to her phone as if we're done talking. Uh news flash bitch: It aint over until the fat lady's singing, and I damn sho as hell aint hear no acapella! I abruptly stand from my previous position and make my way towards her; she eyes me cautiously as I a take a seat beside her so that we're shoulder to shoulder.

"Rose," I say, taking her hand in mines to which she immediately tenses. " I know you can feel this, that undeniable pull. Look me in the eye and tell me you dont feel something for me."

"Bella, please just stop..." She's still not looking at me but I can tell by the way her voice wavers, almost pleadingly, that she can indeed feel it.

"No, just listen okay? Why did you come up, honestly?"

"I told you, why..."

"-Yes, but theres something more than just the ice-pack, isn't there?" She still quiet but im not giving up so easily. "Listen, im not one to get all deep and connected with my feeling and shit. But I see now that thats exactly what im gonna have to do." Time to women up, Bella...but be gentle. I take her head into my hands and force her to meet my gaze."Rosalie Lillian Hale, I like you. If you already noticed that, then yeah. Its true. I like you alot actually...so much that it drives me insane...you drive me insane." Her hands tightly grasp my fore-arms in an attempt to brace herself for what coming next. "I want to be with you, and I know you're scared for what ever reason, but if you let me...I know I can make you happy. I wont let you down like Mike did..." I feel her relax to my touch, and I inwardly fist-pump at the thought of her finally opening up. _Bout fuckin time, cause I swear all this sweet, tender, mushy shit is gonna give me diabetes!_

"Bella, thats not...thats not why im scared. I mean yeah, I dont wanna get hurt and all that. But I dont give a shit about Mike Newton...he never.." She stops mid-sentence and I watch as her eyes scan my face. "Never what, Rose?" I have no clue why im whispering and I honestly dont give a shit right, I just want her finish...I want to know what shed thinking.

"He never made me feel like how you make me feel..." My heart is hammering in my chest right now and I just pray I dont start stuttering like an idiot, which I always tend to do when im nervous.

"What..what do I make you feel like?"

"Nervous..." Oh you aint the only one. "Like I matter. But you really just make me feel like..." She stops once again, but this time she bites her lip.

"Like...like what, Rose...like what?" Im almost ashamed at how eager I am to find out but whatever.

"Like I want to fuck you...all the time." Its dead fucking quiet in here right now, and the only reason, I repeat...the only reason for this is because Im trying to figure out what the fuck I just heard. I mean really, what the fuck? I was so expecting her to say something along the lines of, "like I cant breathe when you look at me." Or " You make me feel like I can be or do anything," But wanting to fuck me...all the time? yeah, im way off with my assumptions.

My first instinct is to say "come again?" and then laugh because I said _come._ But we're just gonna go with the subtle route. "Ummm what?" But the only answer I get is her lips crashing against mine, and she aint fighting it so why should I?

Before I know it. Where both pushing each other against the wall and sink; how we got to our feet is beyond me.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch...head remember?" I pant out, finally breaking apart for air. "Shit. Im sorry," she mumbles against my lip, but she and I are both way too far gone off our lust to actually care about my head. She's fumbling with my shirt as I place hot, sloppy, wet kisses any and everywhere I can see. Finally after struggling for what seems like forever, I just rip the damn thing in two; she seems satisfied enough. I place her on top of the sink and she gladly opens her legs to me; I glide between them in ease and grab hold of her moistened thongs.

"God, Im so fuckin wet for you right now, Bella." Oh theres no need to remind me of that fact cause im fully aware of it. " I want you to make cum so fuckin hard for you..." Her teeth grab at my bottom lips as my muscles clench under her soft hands. _Good lord! She talking so naughty right now...I just might cum on myself from that alone! _My only reaction to both her words and the feeling of her tongue on my ear is to rip her thongs and invade her body.

"Mmm," she moans as Bella jr works her magic, making sure to pay extra attention to her _button._

_"_Make me cum, Bella. Please make me cum!" Oh come on! begging too? Shes really making this hard for me...literally. Wet and fucking hard.

"Ima make you cum, Rose. Ima make you cream like...oatmeal creme...pie?" I find myself inwardly slapping myself for my weak attempt at dirty talk, and the look on her face tells me she wouldn't mind slapping me either; think I might of killed the mood. "Bella..what the..? Ya know what, i dont even wanna know...just..dont speak mkay?"

"Whatever you want."

"Good, now dont stop." And I dont, I fuck her with all my might.

"You looked so good this morning when you were doing the lawn. All sweating and glistening...I just wanted to lick you..," she pants, undoing the belt on my pants and roughly grabbing my bare ass. "Oh fuck, what are you doing?" She shushes me with her lips and works her hands to the front of my jeans. "I told you I wanted to fuck you...and thats exactly what Im gonna do." I suddenly find myself on my back against cold tiled floor with me still deep inside her, and with her very much inside of me. Shes riding my fingers like crazy, but then something happens. Her body tenses, her pussy lets out this weird sound, something Ice heard about but never really witnessed. Im about to commit on it but then she just flips; its like she just transforms into this crazy ol mega beast.

"Im gonna cum, Bella! Dont stop, dont ever fucking stop!" She starts riding me harder, head whipping back and forth while her body thrashes against mine; its hot but its scaring the shit out of me...specially the whole demon voice thing shes got going on. "I...I wont stop, I promise. Just...just be gentle...dont hurt me."

"Say my name!" She basically roars, while pitching my nipple...rather hard.

"W..what?"

"I said, say my name! What's my name you dirty slut!" She barks again , pinching me much harder this time.

"Ouch...Rose, its Rose okay?" Okay, im officially beyond scared right now. I mean im all for rough sex but this beyond rough. I lets my fingers search for that _one_ spot thats soon send her reeling.

"Oh-fuck-oh-fuck, im cumming!" And sure enough, not a moment after she declares this I feel that warm liquid coating my fingers. She hums my name tiredly as she comes down from her high; her lips place a gentle kiss to my collar bone and i rub her back in response.

"Thats was amazing." She mumbles against my chest. Id be lying if I said Im not feeling a bit awkward at this moment, cause really, how the hell do you act normal after _that?_

"Yeah, it was...interesting to say the least." She leans up slightly to see my face and I met with a look of confusion and what seems like sadness?

"You...you didnt like it?"

"No it not that..."

"-cause I mean...you didnt come and..." Oh crap, shes starting to feel insecure.

"Rose, no dont do that. It was great...it was a bit intense but I liked it...alot."

"But why didnt you cum with me?"

"Its just take me longer than most people is all...but that doesnt mean i didnt like it, okay? You were hot. Especially when you queefed..." Once again, blame the asshole in me but i have to fuck with her. And I know, I just know this is going to embarrass her...so why not?

"When I what?" She asks in a confused manner.

"Ya know, when you farted."

" What? I did no such thing! I think I'd remember that..." I cant help but laugh at the pink tinge making its way to her cheeks.

"Relax, Rose. Its not what you think. A queef is when you fart...out of your vagina." And just like that she becomes impossibly red.

"Awe, dont do that," I say, reaching for her hands that are firmly planted on her face. "Its nothing to be embarrassed about. Its hot. It just means that i know how to work it." I grin like a Cheshire cat when she finally gazes at me; the look on her face is priceless. Its makes it seem as though she saying "Oh really now?

"So you know how to work it now, huh? Where was all that cocky shit when you were actually doing it?" She teases, making me ALMOST turn a shade redder.

"Doesnt matter where it was before...its here now." I reply seductively, rubbing her inner thighs to make my point clear. "Oh really now, Bella?"

"Hell yeah, girl. Rosetta stone dont got shit on me. I'll have yo kitty talkin in a hundred different languages when im done."

"You sure about that, Bella? My kitties special, its speaks a special language...I dont think you'd understand it..."

"Oh trust me," I begin, trying to gather my barings as her tongue marks a path down my body. "Im a fast learner...and im fluent in every language that revolves around pussy."

"Hmm. Well thats good to know, but right now I want to make _your_ kitty purr for me." I dont even have time to reply because my senses are on overload. She somehow managed to get my pants fully off and is now teasing the wetness that flooding between my legs.

"HOLY FUCK!" I dont even try to hold in my excitement as she hums and sucks on my most sensitive spot; my only reaction is to fist my hand into her, which is a big no no.

"Not the hair, Bella..."

"Really, Rose?" I weeze out when she abruptly stops her delicious torture. "Must you be vain now, at this very moment?"

"Not my hair, Bella...I mean it..." Im about to retort, but then she gives me an alternative; she clasps our hands together and goes to work.

"Oh fuck, right there!" My body tenses when her tongue grazes a particular area, driving me mad drunk with lust; its becoming increasingly harder not to yank her hair.

Meanwhile...

Leah's Pov

"Um maybe one of us should go look for them?" Edward says, eyeing me expectantly.

"Nah. I dont think thats such a good idea..."

"Oh? And why is that? They could be fighting..."

"Or fucking," I mumble to myself.

"what was that?"

"Ohhh nothing. Look dont worry your pretty little head. They're fine..just trust me.

"But how do you know?" He retorts while walking towards the stairs. "Im telling you, Edward. You dont wanna do thattt...might not like what you find." He of course is already making his way up there, but not a moment after I tell him otherwise, an earth shattering scream resounds in the house. I look of horror crosses Edwards features as he descends half the flight of stairs; and well I think its safe to say that Bella just _came down_ from her high.

"See, told ya you didn't wanna go up there...they're..._good."_ I pat him on the back as he just sits there with that same look of horror on his face. "Was that...did they?" "Yes, Edward. That was exactly what you think it is."

Back in the bathroom...

"Wow, Rose. That was...just wow." Im leaning against the the side of the tub in post orgasmic bliss.

"That good, huh?"

"Yeah. Think that was probably the best Ice ever had. You sure you've never done that before?"

"Nope. You're my first and only." She smiles sweetly and reaches for my hand to which I mimic. _Her first and only, I like that thought. _And then a funny thought crosses my mind.

"Rose?"

"Hmm?"

"You give good _knowledge. _I dont think I'll ever have to worry about my kids being dumb." I break into uncontrolled fits of laughter, which earns me a playful shove from Rosalie.

"Oh shut up...and return the favor." She responds right before theres a knock at the door.

"Who ever that is can just fuck off...so she can _get off!_

**A/N: So yeah, I do believe this maybe the end of this fic my good readers. I say maybe because there is a little bit of extra stuff that didnt make it into some chapter, so i might just dedicate a chapter to all the lost scenes that didnt make it.**

**That whole "pussy talking" scene was dedicated to a special reader, who im pretty sure knows who they are.**

**I was watching **_**Dont be a Menace... While writing that sex scene too, particularly the part in the movie where Marlon Wayans has sex with the shy girl and she turns all beastly and shit. So I thought to myself why not?**_

**For those who dont understand the joke about Rosalie giving good **_**knowledge**_**..I'll explain. Knowledge is the same thing as head, or brain, or in simple terms oral.**


	7. From Dicks to Clits

**A/N: Alright first off, this chapter is a bit of a major contrast to the last ones, and thats on account of the fact that it was ghost written by my little cousin, Sham.**

**Say hi, Sham..**

**Hello.**

**Smh, she was totally just blushing btw. The concept is all hers and I find it a bit interesting if I do say so myself. And no she doesnt have her own story and or account...just testing the water right Sham?**

**Right.**

**Anywho, I ask you guess to give her warm welcome, she a bit nervous so please be nice. Leave a review.**

**Hmm, what else. Oh..**

**Ohhlivahhh: My dear sweet, naughty, filthy, hot ass Ohhlivahhh: lol...that was a very naughty thing you sent me, but its okay...me likey naughty ALOT:D And by naughty I mean, you and me, naked...doin some **_**thangs**_**. But sshh, keep it between you and me. My sideline boo, wsupAnnymous, might get jealous. Smh she already frontin wit the lovin, so just imagine what will happen if she finds out about us?**

**Anti-poon, thats what.**

**Lmao!**

**Anywho, long story short, im glad I could provide that sexual thrill, although it was completely unintended but whateves...anything to get juices flowin, and something tells me you'll be doin just that after you read this. Lots of smex in this..along with other things. Really went all out, Sham.**

**Nice pair of...**_**eyes**_** btw. They look really...soft:D lmao, nah im just playin...or am I?;)**

**Now, on to my sideline. Smh, you begged me to update, remember? So here it is! We held up our end of the bargain so I think its best that you do the same...ITS TIME TO GET NAKEDDDD, LMFAO. And yeah, yeah, I know your a top, but guess what? Ima top, top, TOP, so I guess we just gone be topplin over each other;)**

**ritsuMonkey7&WildImagination28, sorry if I misspelled that, but yeah, thats for the love. I really appreciate it...and of course, I try to be funny for your sake and for all my readers sake, except for one...**

**A Eternity of Nonchalance: Got a few words for that ass. Begins with EAT, branches off with an A, and ends with DICK. Like seriously, stay the fuck off my shit if your just gonna be an ass and leave horse-shit for a review. The fuck? Its people like you that make readers dislike writing at all. And yeah im all for critiques and criticism but I dont see anything of that nature in your review. Smh, holla at me when you get your own fuckin story, cocksmith..**

**Any-fuckin-way.**

** All my kind readers, I thank you all. You guys continuously push me to do better:) love ya! **

**Sham wants to say something before I conclude.**

**Hey guys, just wanted to say that I enjoyed writing this chapter. Its a bit long and starts out slow but I do hope you'll forgive me for that. And I really hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks!**

**Oh, Disclaimer: I dont own anything Twilight. Nor do I own, Call of Duty, Red Riding Hood, Three little bears, everything Disney, Fleece Johnson, Lil Wayne, Mily Ways, Snickers and anything esle I forgot that isnt mine. Whoo...**

**From Dicks to Clits**

Shifting a bit more comfortably I reach into my bag and grab my I-Phone. The screen lights up, illuminating the small cramp space and I smile to myself when I catch sight of Rosalie's very naked and very enticing body.

Taking a minute to perv out, I finally tap the picture and patiently wait for her stimulating voice to reach my ears.

Outside of this cramped space I hear a bit of shifting and the sound of guns can be heard, along with a quite tone.

"Sup sweetness?" And as predicted I hear a very heavy sigh thats accompanied by a quiet slur of curses, which she think i didnt catch.

"Ugh, what do you want..?" Though she thinks she may sound put off by my sudden call, I know better; lets just say that Rosalie still likes to play hard to get. I can just picture that cheesy ass smile on her face right now as we speak.

"Well theres alot that I want. Some twizzlers, a beer, some wild monkey sex that involves your participation, with a Baconator on the side. Maybe not quite in that order but ya knowww.."

"Mmhmm. Sounds like thats somebody else's problem to me.."

"Perhaps but," I pause for second, willing my voice to do its sexual duty and drop a few octaves. "Id really like to make it yours. Maybe a little teacher student one on one? Since im having trouble with this little 'problem' of mine."

"Sorry," she chuckles oh so lightly with that panty dropping voice. "But my tutoring aint free. You gots to pay for my session."

"Aint free, huh? Well, my little _poon-tang, _neither is my tongue. But you dont see me charging for my services now do you?"

She laughs at this. Like a really weird snort kind of laugh and I find myself chuckling along with her.

"Yeah, but I also dont recall you complaining either. Matter of fact, I seem to recall that you quite enjoyed fucking me to, what was the phase again? ' _Infinity and beyond_' with your tongue.."

Immediately my mind wonders back to that specific day, two weeks ago. First, let me just say that awhile ago, I figured out that Rose has a type of fetish. She likes to role-play.

We've dressed up as Smurfs, which was a bit weird because she really made me paint my entire body blue. And I mean everything; from the tips of my nipples to the crack of my ass. She even bought a blue strap on and told me to smurf her with my smurf stick.

Crazy right? WRONG! That shit was hot!

Within the past year of our relationship, she had us dressing up as just about every Disney Character. Two weeks ago it was Buzz Light-year and she went with the whole Jesse, the cowgirl thing.

The costume only covered up the top half of my body, leaving my wonder snatch out for her hungry gaze. And man was that shit hot. Not the sex, well yeah that too, but the actual costume was suffocating. I was sweating buckets.

Then the week before that, it was the whole Wall-e theme; let me tell you, that was an EPIC FAIL. Cause really, how the fuck am I suppose to fuck in a costume that makes you look like a damn washing machine. I couldnt even move my arms.

Chick has major issues, but I wouldnt have it any other way.

Cant wait for her to see what I have up my sleeve for our _next_ session.

Evil, perverted grin.

"No, babe. You definitely didnt hear or see me complain. Which is why you shouldn't charge me for loving you down so good. And I do mean that in a literal sense.."

"Pssh! Love me down so good? A bit smug dont you think?"

"Come on now, Rosalie. Do you really wanna take it there? To the denial phase? Cause ya know, Id be more than a little happy to reenact our last session. What was that you were practically singing in my ear...?"

She quiet now, and more than likely blushing.

"_You got a friend in me_? Yeah that sounds about right.."

"Ugh, shut up!" She says with the smallest hint of a smile in her voice. "Its not like you can do it anyway since you're like a zillion miles away in Forks..." She mumbles this and its then that I understand why shes giving me such a hard time.

And boom goes the dynamite.

I guess I should probably take it from the top. A short while after Rose and I officially got together, things around the house gradually started to change. Carlisle came home early one evening, unbeknownst to everyone, and caught Emmet bumping uglies with .

Whoop-dee-fuckin-do, right? Well, as we all know, according to Rosalie and Alice, this whole gated community is like a swingers-sex-nest. So of course we all figured he knew about Emmet, but I guess we were wrong, Cause he flipped the fuck out. Not only did he fire Emmet, but he fired Leah and myself as well.

But, we later found out that it had nothing to do with Emmet dicking down his wife. The little twat-knocker was upset because he got caught up in some scandal with his cum-guzzling secretary.

Guess the bitch got tired of chuggin the dick for free and threaten to spill the beans, not that we all didnt know already. But the thing we didnt know was that ol girl was still underage.

Surprise, surprise! Kate's was only seventeen at the time of their sexual trysts. Can never be too careful with europeans; I've seen her, and that broad can easily pass off as twenty-six.

Anyway, in the end everything cleared out for Carlisle, since really, who's gonna believe a whore?

Still, thats such a bitch move on his part for firing us, just because his punk ass got caught with his hands in the underage poon. The fuck?

Which brings me back to my point. After I got fired I went back to forks, found a new job at Fed-Ex with Leah, and enrolled in school part time. Fortunately enough, the new semester doesnt start for another two months, so we have a little free time to spare between work every now and then.

The lovely thing about my job is that you pretty much travel across the country. Unknown to Rosalie, a certain package has lead me close to her destination in the pearly white gates of the Hampton's.

"Awww, babe. Dont be like that.."

"Dont be like what? You mean dont miss you, dont wish that you were here all the time..?"

Well looks like this whole conversation just took a turn for the worst. Trying to maintain a long distance relationship is hard, she and I know this, but I see now that its really taking a toll on her.

"I miss you too, Rosy. But you'll see me soon. I guarantee it.."

"Guarantee or promise?"

"Promise," I say without a second thought. "Anyway, im only a couple states away. And you know I at least try to drive up there every other weekend..."

"I know." Is her quiet reply; her sad tone makes me shift and of course my old clumsy habits almost causes me to knock over something in the darkness.

"What the hell?"

"What's wrong?" I say a bit too eagerly and notice the not so subtle change in volume; the once loud sound of guns and explosions in the background are now being drowned out.

"Nothing...thought I heard something.."

I let out the breath I didnt know I was holding.

"So whatcha doin?" I ask after silence becomes too much.

"Nothing much, really. Laying in bed and playing the game..."

"Again?" I feign disbelief. "Dont you ever get tired of playing that thing?"

No, no she doesnt. I regret the day I introduced her to the world that is Call of Duty.

"Well if you must know, then no. No I dont...its quite fun. Besides, if it bothers you so, then maybe you and Emmet shouldnt have played it so much around me..." Theirs a slight pause, proceeded by a rather loud burst of ammunition. "Ah shit! See, you got me killed!"

"Pssh, nah thats your own fault noob." I laugh to myself. "What uh..what kind of gun are you using?"

"Ummm something called an M4 IW5..."

Niceeeee. So she likes em big huh?

"Do you like the way it handles?" I inwardly chuckle to myself.

"Yeah, im not really into small guns. I like the big ones. Its just something very liberating about hearing them burst ya know?"

Oh wow, shes making this way too easy.

"So you like the big ones, huh?" Theirs a soft hitch in her voice at my undeniable hidden tone. "And yeah, I know what you mean about hearing em _burst_..."

Yup, id so love hearing the way my gun would burst in her hand, and possibly her face.

"Bella..." I ignore the small hint of lust in her voice and continue onward with the deed.

"You know, I've got a gun...its big too." She hums to herself and i just picture the smile on her face.

"Do you now?" This tone lets me know that she will indeed play along with my little game.

"Oh yeah. You should come play with it sometimes..."

"Hmm. Well, Id love to play with it, but I dont think you're ready for that. I have a very heavy, tight grip...might make it it go off to soon.."

I giggle.

"Babe, you dont have to worry about that. Its always on safety..."

"Well in that case... Why dont _you_ play with it for me?"

"Its kind of hard to do that while im driving. Besides...I like the way you handle it better. You cock it back slowly...just right. I always do it to fast and its goes off in my hand..."

Its quiet, aside from the subtle snickering between the two us.

"So what are you doing now?"

"Playing...a game..."

Theres the sound of sheets shifting, letting me know shes getting comfortable.

"And what game is that?"

"Its called," she lets out this really naughty drawled out moan that goes straight to my core. "Petting the pussy.."

Oh hell yeah!

"That sounds like a fun game. How do you uh...play it?" Shes breathing so damn hard right now and its causing delicious tingles in my snatch. (lol, snatch, smh)

"Well first," a groan. "I unzip my pants a little...but only a little."

"Yeah, and then what?" I shift forward onto my knees and peek through the small crack of the closet door.

Yes, im in the closet. Her closet to be exact. Why? Well Id tell ya but really, who gives a shit. I've done way worse and creepier things, right?

Fuck yeah im right!

Anyway.

"So what happens after that?" My eyes flash as I see her back arch off the bed. I love that, the arch I mean. When you're on the receiving end of that, its like...words just cant describe it.

It can make or break the moment thats for sure.

Her hand dips into her pants at a very hurried pace, making me bite my lip.

"Then, _fuck_, then you umm," I see her working it very vigorously and I just about had it.

"Then what, Rose?" I whisper, slowly opening the door so not to startle the writhing mess ahead of me. From what I can tell from here, on the floor, her eyes are closed. Very slowly I begin to crawl forward on my hands and knees.

"Then you slowly start to pet it.."

Slowly? From what I can see she aint petting nothing slowly.

"You sure you're suppose to pet its slowly, Rose?"

My nose flares at the the scent in the air; she smells like rainbows and fucking sunshine.

"Y-yeah.." Im finally at the side of her bed, and my assumption was right, her eyes are closed, but thats not really what has my attention at the moment.

My eyes are focused on her hands. The right one is fisted in her pants and the left one his kneading the flesh of her breast. She has on one of my favorite leisure shirts; it says "The breakfast of champions: pussy, pancakes and pineapples."

Yups, I love me some pancakes and pineapples but I love pussy more.

At least thats what it used to say anyway. She made a few modification; she cut the shirt into a little baby halter top. So now not only do I see just the words "pussy" but I get to see the soft swell of her breast. But only the underside or underboob as I call it.

I stand up on my knees and carefully reach for the hand in her pants.

"Slow and steady wins the race" I say, startling her; she jumps slightly and peers up at me through wide, rapidly blinking eyes.

"B-Bella, how did..what..."

"-Well, im the pussy monster of course.." I point to the closet to make my meaning clearer.

To my dismay she removes her hands and sits up with a look of utter confusion.

"I..I dont understand," her head shakes. "I thought you were on the road?"

"Well yeah, yesterday I was. There was a very special package that someone needed delivered to a neighbor.

And by neighbor I mean Jessica Stanley, and by someone I mean me.

You didnt really think Id just let that bitch get away with hurting Rose, did you?

Lets just say that I purposely sent a very large package containing a very large and very black dildo her way. And of course it wouldnt be a gift if I didnt give a card. It read,"You stupid fucking cunt. If you ever in your life fuck with what's mine again, I'll literally fucking murder you with this dick. You'd probably like that though, since you're a whore. And ya know what they say, once you go black you never go back...or walk straight for that matter. Anywho, just wanted to give you a present to remind you of what's waiting for you if you disobey me. But yeahhhh, big black cock...and uh, ya know... go fuck yourself in hell. _Signed_ Bella, Swan." **(A/N: Lol, yes im black so absolutely no racism there, but ill apologize if i offend anybody by that.)**

Yeah thats right, I signed my real name, cause I aint no bitch!

And its a win-win situation. I made my fucking point clear and in the process I get to see Rose.

"So..you're..you're staying for today or..?"

"-I'll be here for the rest of the week. Got a few deliveries throughout the state, so yeah."

And just like that, im rewarded with the brightest smile ever and im immediately tugged to the bed.

I land softly on top, completely wedged between her legs and I grin down at her.

I suppose she feels something poking at her because her brows crease in confusion. She pushes me back slightly and really looks me over for the first time.

I watch in amusement as a sly grin makes its way onto her lips and she just shakes her head.

"Bella, what are wearing?" As she says this, I get up so she can fully appreciate my attire.

I just so happen to be wearing, well partially nothing. Im shirtless with no bra and the only thing covering my chest is edible brown paint and brown feathers. The feathers, which are suppose to be fur, according to Alice, cover from my abs all the way up to my shoulders. I've got my hair up in a ponytail with a pair of furry ears to top it off. My arms dont have feathers but are covered in paint also; my lower half is covered by my harness, which is equip with the "hershey" rod as Leah likes to call it. And yes, theres a tail attached to the back of it.

I really went all out with this one, even got a an attachable snout. Now if this aint love then I dont know what is.

"I wanted to surprise you. Alice and Leah helped me..." I say, putting on my nose to to complete the costume.

"Wait, Leahs here too?" I nod my head in confirmation. "Just how long have you been in my closet, R. Kelly?"

I snort at her reference. "I dont know. We got here around ten-ish this morning. It took Alice about two hours to do this and luckily you were still sleep soooo...I snuck in and hid in the closet. " I finish with a shrug. "Figured you'd be down with a visit from grandma, Red Riding Hood."

Slowly she nods her head in understanding and looks me over once more, tilting her head this way and that as she does so.

This goes on for a few minutes and I begin to think that maybe this was a bad idea, at least thats what the frown on her face tells me. But then she peers up at me through lidded eyes; they briefly flash with promising lust before a sexy smirk works it way onto her lips.

"Grandma, what big ears you have" She begins, smiling seductively and once again tugs me closer to her body.

Grinch grin.

"The better to hear you moan with my dear.." I whisper into her ear, licking the rim and slightly biting it. I slowly begin to work down towards her neck.

"And what big hands you have..." She moans out as my hands begin to knead and tweak her right breast.

"The better to fuck and tease you with, my dear." I arch into her as I feel her hands scratching at my back.

"But grandma, what a big tongue you have.." She says in between sucking and tugging on my lips.

"The better to taste you with, my dear." And thats exactly what I do. I glide down her body with tongue, stopping to pay each breast special attention; I flatten my tongue against the underside of her right tit and lick it all the way up to the nipple, where I place an open wide kiss and then suck. She lets out a moan that would rival that of a porn star.

I let it go with a wet "pop" and work my way farther down her body. I frown as I reach my destination; her fully clothed kitty.

That wont do. No, that wont do at all.

Slowly taking the the offending material between my fingers, I slide them down, leaving her lace intact.

"Bella, why didnt you just.."

"-Shh," I command, staring at the damp spot of her lingerie. "Slow and steady, Rose...I just need a moment of silence.." Ignoring both the look of confusion and annoyance, I move so that im now face to face with her baby maker.

Eww, maybe I shouldnt refer to it at that. I've seen a pregnant vag before and witnessed childbirth and as much as I love the poon tang, the visual of what I just said is enough to turn me off. Not for good, but still...

Anywho.

Well, wait since we're already on a side topic, might as well get all my rambling out the way. So I was on YouPorn the other day with Leah, and she got me hip to this one chick Sophia Moone; shaking my head man, shaking my head...That chick is HOT! Almost hotter than Rosalie! And man, I thought I was good at playing the pussy, but shes a fuckin pro.

Random, I know.

Alright, back to our regularly scheduled smex scene..

"You're a weirdo, Bella.."

I look up from between her legs and notice the amusement on her face.

"You've been sitting there for about three minutes, having one of your inner monologues again...im guessing?"

She knows me so well.

Instead of actually answering her with a smart reply, I choose to retort with my mouth. I lick her from where her opening would be all the way up to her profound clit. And what do I do? I suck of course! Which definitely gets her attention; her legs immediately clamp down on my head, not too hard but I can definitely feel it.

About five minutes in, I stop momentarily to her displeasure and gently slap at her thighs, silently telling her to open. She does as told and watches me sit up on my knees; silently, I reach for the lace and she complies with a arch off the bed.

That fuckin arch, man.

I free one ankle and place it flat on the bed and then the other; gently pushing her legs father apart I return to my previous position and continue the task at hand.

My tongue pokes and then flattens over her clit, where I apply just the right amount of pressure. She purring like a cat. Her hips begin to roll, seeking more friction, but I dont want to quite give her that until she gives me what I want. I lick and suck and lick and suck, getting her nice and wet, then as I feel her legs start to tremble I blow ever so lightly against her.

And..._splash_.

She lets out a scream that makes me throb oh so painfully; its on and poppin after this. Migraine and all, im gonna beat the fuck outta her cat.

Hehe, she'll have to call the ASPCA on my ass!

Slowly but surely her legs begin to weaken and I gingerly help her down from her high by lapping at the juices running down her inner thigh.

Using my patient, or lack of, I wait for her to catch her breath, which seems to be taking a mighty long time.

"C'mon Charlie," I whine, trying to pry open her now closed legs with no avail. "You ready to visit the Chocolate Factory or what?" I rub Mr. hershey against her shin to make my point. Her chest rise and falls rapidly for the last time at this, and I watch as shes purses her lips.

I dont think I like that face. It reminds me of SpongeBob.

"Mmm, nah. I think my golden ticket expired already, _Wonka_..." She grins lazily; she looks so fuckin high right now too.

Fuck that. If she wants to play games then I'll play along...

Determination etched across my face, I place my snout back on my nose and reply...

"Little pig, little pig, open up your legs.." My hip gives a thrust against her jointed knees and I slowly start to rub under her thighs, trying to coax them open.

Her lips purse even more as she tries to keep from laughing.

"Not by the cum on your chinney chin chin.." She giggles again.

Hmm.

"But I want to thrust and thrust, til I knock out your walls..."

We stare at each other because we already know what's gonna happen, and it doesnt fail; we start laughing our asses off. Her legs part in the process and I end up conviently rolling on top of her.

Yup, conveniently, not planned at all.

"So you wanna fuck now?" I finally say, pushing myself up enough to see her face.

"Do I ever..." Her lips capture mine as her legs wrap around my waist. My hips wiggle a little until I feel myself being sunk further into Rose.

No hands, bitches! Thats what happens when your awesomeness is at level a hundred with a plus ten rod. No hands required.

My movements are languid and precise at first. I give an especially slow but deep thrust that makes her her tits bounce in the most glorious way.

Opting for different positions, since I know I dont have long to enjoy myself before Rose shows her dominance, I place both of her legs over my shoulders and slightly push my body into hers. Then, well then thats when I really let her have it.

"Oh fuck, just like that, Bella...dont stop!" I hit her with one of her favorite moves; I literally do the "Butterfly" buts its very fast paced and probably looks retarded as fuck if I was actually watching myself do it. Oh well, she likes it.

"So you like fucking your grandma, Rose?"

"W-what?" She pants out and tries her best to keep her eyes open. "Bella, what the...what the fuuuucckkk," pause and a heavy pant. "What the f-fuck are you talking about?"

"Im talking about you," deep thrust. "being a whore," another thrust,"And liking bestiality. Tisk, Tisk, Tisk. What a nasty slut you are...bet you shower naked too." I add as an after thought and chuckle to myself.

"Okay, ya know what...?" And just like that my fun is over; shes taken control...as usual. " Enough talking.." She pushes against me a little and then suddenly im laying in her previous position with her hovering over me. I let this happen of course, because I secretly love watching her bounce up and down on top of me. I look down between us just in time to see her take "me" in and I just about cum on myself. I dont know what it is about that, but the whole visual is just UGH! Its orgasmic.

I cant complain too much about the new position even if I wanted too; everytime she slams down on me, my clit rubs against the harness and I've got one word for you...BLISS.

My hands take purchase on her hips where I help guide her into a steady rhythm. Her back arches forward and I breifly wonder if its possible to give somebody scoliosis just by fucking. If not, her back will more than likely being hurting to say the least because im so sure your suppose to arch that deep.

Whatever.

Soon im rewarded with a familiar sound that washes away and all thoughts; the sound of wet vag. Its like a squelching sound or dare I say it? It sounds like Emmet's Mac N Cheese being stirred in a pot.

I so need to have Emmet whip me up some of that. I miss him...

"Seriously, Bella? You're seriously thinking about Mac N Cheese at a time like this..? What the fuck!"

How the fuck does she do that?

She hasn't stopped her ministrations, but she is glaring down at me with her arms folded.

Lie, fucking lie!

"I...I wasnt. I thought I heard you queef is all..." And just like before, she gets all embarrassed.

Works everytime.

"You really shouldnt find it embarrassing at all. I think its the sexiest thing I've ever heard." I say, sitting up so that im now eye level with her breast. "I like hearing it," I whisper against her nipple, making her shudder. "I like making you wet.." I slip it between my teeth and gently bite down. Her only reaction is to scratch at my scalp, very close to the back of my neck, which happens to be my spot.

"Rose, dont.." She subtly starts to rub at my neck, making my toes curl and my stomach tighten. "Im not...I wont be able hold on if you.."

"-I know. _Fuck_, im sorry I just...oh god, i Just want you to come with me..." She pants and looks down at me pleadingly. I nod my head slowly and kiss her soundly before leaning my forehead against her; I close my eyes as my right hand snakes between us and latches onto her bundle of nerves. This moment is something she and I rarely share, so I wont fight it. I wont fight the shocks shes sending through my body with her hands, and I wont fight the noises spilling from my mouth. I'll just close my eyes and concentrate on her.

Her fingers make a swipe just below my ear and I immediately stiffen; it catches me off guard for a moment, causing my hand to jerk a bit too hard into her. Her breath hitches along with my own but before I fully let the feeling wash over me, I mutter the three words I've been holding onto for the past year.

"I love you..."After that, we both fall over like dominos.

We land in a heap on her bed, with her laying on top of me and leaning into my neck.

"Did you...really mean that? Or was it...?"

"-No it wasnt the heat of the moment type thing...I meant every word..." Gently I begin to rub her back when suddenly I hear a sniffle.

See, this is why I dont get in touch with my feelings. Its just way too mushy.

"Why are you crying?" She shifts over onto my left side and I stare at her as she wipes at her face vigorously.

"I...I dont know. I guess because...nobody's ever said something like that to me before or meant ...because I love you, too."

So im her first then?

Suddenly a big dumb grin stretches across my face at that realization.

"Eww, what's is that face for?" She laughs lightly, raising a fine eyebrow questionably.

"No reason," I shrug. "Well, how much do you love me?" I might as well test the waters and see how far I can push my luck.

"Alot..."

"Is it enough to munch on my Snickers bar?" I all but laugh and point to the brown rod sticking between my legs.

"Ugh, are you seriously going on about this again? Im not sucking you off, okay..?"

"But you never wanna do anything I want to do..." I pout at her, making her shake her head. "The last time we fucked I asked you to join the mile high club and you refused..."

"Bella, we werent even in a plane for goodness sake!"

"Thats what the magic sack was for, Babe. You dont always need a plane to reach the sky..." And trust me, that was some top notch stuff I had with me. I tried to get her to smoke it while we were doing the nasty, promising that she'd have the most intense orgasm ever, but of course she refused. That didnt stop me of course and lets just say I was beyond the stars and infinity.

"Pot head.." She shakes her head disapprovingly but smiles nonetheless.

"Cunt.." I flash her my cheesiest smile and im rewarded with a shove in the face. "C'mon, babe. Just do it this one time...besides, I know your hungry..so eat a Snickers" She gives me a pointed look to which I just smile and shrug.

"What is with you in this anyway? Its not like you can feel it even if I did do it..."

"Its not always about the feeling, babe. Its more about the visual...of you, on your knees with your lips slobbing me down."

You guys cant tell me that wouldnt be hot?

"Id definitely do it for you," I persist and inwardly fist pump as she glides down my body and heads straight for the the floor. She pets the edge of the bed and theres no way im gonna deny her.

"Bullshit. You dont even let me use one of these on you.."

True.

"Thats because I wears the pants in this relationship. I call the shots, so when I say get on yo knees like top notch hoe...then fuckin do it!"

And cue the broken record moment.

"_Excuse_ me? You wanna run that by me one more time?" That eyebrow is arched again and that incredulous look on her face tells me I should probably back peddle.

"I mean, im sucha bitch ass...you wear the pants and... and you're totally fuckin awesome..?" I ask, looking at her for her approval; her lips purse for second as she debates. "Buy me that Coach bag I've been begging for and all is forgiven.."

Oh she wants to play that game?

If I say no, then she'll deny me, and were so close right now; I mean her lips are practically right there on the tip.

"Okay, but this better be some top quality..." All coherent thoughts fly out of the window when her mouth slowly descends; keeping her eyes locked onto mine her mouth envelopes all nine itches and im absolutely stuck.

HOLY...FUCKIN...SHIT!

The visual is enough to make me cum on myself ten times, but its the actually thought of her, licking off her own juices that has my stomach and toes curling. Im not gonna last that long.

My breath hitches at one particular deep swallow she gives; she takes it all the way to the hilt and slowly she pulls back, dragging her teeth across it.

Two words for you: fuckin pro.

I feel her hands rub up my inner thigh and head straight for the spot hidden behind the harness. She pinches me, causing me to jump and I immediately grab for her hair. Instead of hearing her bark like she usually does, she just hums and begins to rock against my foot.

And boy is she wet.

Im on sensory overload.

She rubs me in circles, slow and precisely, making the tightening in my stomach unbearable.

Holy fuck, im gonna cum on myself!

And just as im about to let that feeling wash over me, a gruff voice startles me.

"Hey tit-munglars, keep your lesbionic activities to a minimum. People are tryna relax around here!"

The voice is unexpected and very unfamiliar, so I cant help it when I give a slight jump, causing me to hit the back her throat rather hard. She gags and spits me out, and in the process of my hurriedness to make sure shes okay, I jerk forward and slap her in the face with the dildo.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Im doing my best not to laugh but I mean, come on, this shit is hilarious!

"Ugh, no im not fucking okay! You poked me in the eye!"

"Shit," I giggle, "Im sorry. Here, let me see.." I remove the hand over her right eye and examine the damage done, but I get nothing. "Its fine. It'll probably be a little irritated but other than that...no bruises or black eyes.."

"Yeah well, you better hope thats all I have. Ugh, you are so not getting this privilege anymore..."

Say what?

"Well hold on now. Its not my fault your dad scared the shit outta me. I mean, I thought he was out of town..."

"Bella, that wasnt my dad. That was Edward..."

Bullshit that was Cockward! I know that tinkle fairies voice and that voice I just heard did not bring about rainbows and pony's.

"Bullshit. Edwards voice is not that deep..." She simply shrug's like its nothing and moves towards her vanity.

"Do you honestly think my dad would say something like that to me? To his princess?"

Good point. I've never even heard Carlisle curse before.

"True, but that cant be Edward.."

"Go see for yourself.." She challenges, looking at me through her mirror.

I like a challenge.

Without another word, I exit her confinements and make my way down the hall towards Alice's room.

"Hey, you guys seen Cockward anywhere?" I ask, peeking in on there little sex game; it would seem as though they're into games as well. Alice is riding on Leahs back naked, waving her hands in the air like its a rodeo.

Wow.

"Let me guess, you heard his voice?"

"Hell yeah. What the fuck is all that about?"

"Go see for yourself," she waves me off with a shrug.

_"Go see for yourself"_ I mock, shaking my head in annoyance.

Oh well, only one way to find out...

Eagerly I begin to walk down the hall again, I stop by his room and peek in but he's nowhere in sight.

Hmm.

"You seem a bit lost." Says a semi-familiar voice from behind me. Theres a heavy accent; some kind of spanish I presume which only means one thing; Carmen.

"Uh yeah, I was looking for Edward..." For the first time ever I find myself shying away from female attention. Carmen has been working here for about six months now. She and her brother, Eleazar took our place after Leah and I were fired.

I dont know what it is about this women, but she just...kind of creeps me out. Everytime I turn around shes eyeing me like im a piece of meat, and I should find it endearing but...I just always get these flashing red lights in my head, warning me to stay away, no matter how hot she is. So thats what Im gonna do.

"I believe Mister Cullen went to the theatre room..." She practically purrs, circling me like a damn lioness. Its not helping that im still pretty much naked, dressed up like the fucking big bad wolf with this harness still securely attached to me, which she seems to be eyeing appreciatively.

Sorry sweetness, but that belongs to Rose.

"Right, well uh...thanks..?" I quickly make a bee-line for the elevator but not before I hear her utter an "Anytime.."

Shudders.

Sure enough, as I enter the main door to the theatre I spot a figure slouching in the middle row, one hand in their pants while the other occupies a beer.

Thats so not Edward.

Cautiously I step down a row or two to try to get a better look, when suddenly something on the screen catches my eyes.

There on the screen is a smoking hot brunette, getting train banged but at least five guys.

"What the fuck?" I so didnt mean to say that out loud, but its just caught me off guard. Next thing I know im being greeted by Cockwards very different looking face.

His once unruly, gelled up hair is long gone, leaving a very appealing buzz cut in its wake. His facial hair has partially began to grow out, giving him this really douchie, gruff look.

All in all, he looks way better than what I remember and if i was into the whole peen thing, id probably be swooning right now.

"Can I fucking help you, Princess snarf-a-clit?"

My eyes widen at his unexpected remark, leaving me stuck.

So that was his voice then? Wow, major revamp I see.

Not only has his appearance and voice change, but his personality changed as well.

Fucking awesome!

"What the fuck happened to you!" Im all but bouncing on my toes right now. I cant ever remember being this excited about anything, well not counting the thing Rosalie just did.

But yeah, im totally tweaking out right now.

"I could say the same thing to you," he takes a drag of his cig and raises an eyebrow at my appearance. I shrug and take a seat next to him. Two things I take notice to: one, he's not wearing a shirt and two, he ditched his tight ass skinny jeans and is now wearing a pair of baggy diesel jeans.

Thank god!

"Yeah, okay. Just help yourself to a seat, I guess." He mumbles, propping up his feet against the seat in front of him.

"Dude, seriously. What the fuck happened to you? This isnt the Cockward I know...I mean you have muscles for fucks sake!" I point to the row of muscles aligning his stomach.

" Obviously that 'Cockward' is dead and gone." He takes a swig of his beer. "Anyways, dont you have something better to do, like play wonder-clits with my sister?"

Wonder-clits! He said wonder clits...fuckin A!

"Well yeah, I did have something better to do along those lines. But as usual, you ruined that for me. You ruined my nut, so I think my prodding is only fair.."

"Whatever..."

"Nice flick by the way.." I point to the screen, where the lovely brunette is patiently waiting for that cum shot to be filled. "Okay, nevermind.." I literally gag out, turning my head as soon as I see her chugging the jizz. Fucking sick.

He doesnt seem all that bothered by it, which only brings me back to my original question...

"What the fuck happened to you, Eddy?"

"I broke up with, Jasper...thats what happened."

If this is the outcome of that, then I say good riddance. In my opinion, him breaking it off with Jasper was the best thing that happened..to well, everyone.

"Oh yeah? And just what happened to make you break it off with Fleece Johnson? Let me guess, turned out to be _too_ much of a booty warrior for ya?" **(If you guys dont know who fleece Johnson is, I encourage, no I beg y'all to look him up on youtube. It'll just make this joke all that much more funnier lol.)**

"Something like that.." he says with a shrug. "I walked in on him giving some random floozy a Milky Way..."

The fuck is a Milky Way?

"Its when you take a frozen candy bar, stick it up somebody's ass and basically eat it out..." Leah answers my thoughts from behind, startling the both of us.

Do I even want to know why and how shes knows this?

"Wow, that has to be the sickest thing I've ever heard..." I say with a grimace. "I really hope you didnt participate in something like that?" I nod towards Edward, who seems to be zoning out, staring at the screen.

"Nah, not really my thing. In fact, im really starting to rethink every aspect of my love life..."

Gradually, Leah, Alice and Rose start taking empty seats beside us.

"What do you mean, rethink it? You mean like, rethink your love for Jasper or..."

"-I wouldnt even call what we had love. It was convenient at the most...like love always is.._convenient_. Shit is so over-rated..."

Oh boy, im not really sure I like where this is headed. Im so not the person he wants to be crying on right now.

"I think you're just saying that because he hurt you. Love is complicated, and yeah a bit over-rated, but everybody wants it..." My eyes flicker towards Rosalie's for a moment and I smile at the twitch in the corner of her lips.

"And you call me gay?" He retorts, smirking at my heated face. "Its not even really about Jasper anymore...I honestly dont even think I ever really loved him as much as I thought I did..."

He pauses and takes another swig of his beer and scratches at his chin.

Im so glad his testicles finally descended.

"Its been about six days since then. Four days of me crying like a fucking bitch... in the shower mind you, and to make it worse...I was wacking off while I was doing it.

Wow.

"And you want to know what...or rather who I was thinking about the whole time?"

His eyes close as he takes a drag of from his cancer stick.

"Carmen, thats who..." Its dead fucking quiet in here; we're all currently looking at him like he's lost his fucking mind.

Come again?

"Holy shit, you're down with the poon-tang!" I point accusingly, to which he just rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"I never said that per se, I just said that I thought about her is all..."

"Bullshit! If you've thought about...if it even crossed your mind for a second, then you're down wit it. Not to mention you just said you were crying and wacking off," I shake my head at the thought. Really Edward? "In the shower, so that means she makes your dick hard...sounds like you're down to me..."

"She does have point, Edward..."

"She has many points, Alice...doesnt mean shes making one of relevance..."

"Dude, stop pussy-footin and just admit it. You're not as gay as you think you are...and its cool. If you like dick, then you like dick. And if you like pussy then you like..."

"I dont like _pussy_..." He says distastefully and irritably, taking a long drag from his cig.

"How do you know that? Have you ever even had pussy before?"

"No, and Im not going too..."

"Wait, wait, wait, WAIT. You've never been with a women before?"

"No, I've...I've never been with anyone besides Jasper..." He mumbles a bit shyly.

What the fuck? Oh hell no, its time to make some major changes Asap! Im gonna show him the wonders of pussy and all its glory.

"So how the hell can you say you dont like it, if you've never even had it..."

"The same way you can say you dont like dick.."

"Yeah, but the difference between you and me is that I've actually had dick. You've never had pussy, _pussy_."

Everyone except for Leah look at me like im crazy.

Okay, so maybe I lied about me and Jake in High school. We had a ten minute fuck session during our two week long relationship, which resulted in what you see today.

The fuckin Pussy Monster yo! Guess I should thank him though.

"Well whatever. I know I dont like it...because... I just know..."

"C'mon man, stop playing the fuck outta yourself...you said so yourself...you've been rethinking your love life, so why not try to actually find out what it is you want?"

"Just what are you getting at, Isabella?" I glare at the name and ignore the smug look on his ugly/pretty face.

Ugh.

"Im saying, Im gonna get you laid...by pussy."

"Welp, i think thats enough bullshit for today." He stand, and then stretches.

"Wait. Just hear me out for second! After that, if you still dont wanna hear it then its fuck me and you can be on your merry way.."

Reluctantly he sits back down with a huff.

"Alright look. All I wanna do is test the waters a bit...just find out if you have the slightest bit of attraction to women or not..."

"Why are you so adamant about this...why do you care and what do you get out of it?"

"I cant I just help a friend in need?" He eyes me skeptically. " Alright, forgive me for being so blunt about this but I dont think you understand how profound this is. How may gay people do you know that just wake up one day and decide that their into the one thing they swore they werent?"

"Glad im able to provide you with entertainment.." he quips sarcastically.

"Look, I'll tell you what. Let me delve into this for awhile, see where it goes and at the end of it all, if you're still sure that you're not into poon...AT ALL. Then...I'll break up with Rosalie and you'll never have to see me again.."

"What the fuck, Bella!"

I ignore Rosalie as he debates this for minute.

"I'll even throw in a blow job from Emmet..."

"Deal."

Knew that'd be the deal breaker.

"Okay, operation dicks-to-clits in in full effect..."

"Well where do we start?"

"We?" Edward says hesitantly, eying Alice all the while.

"Yeah, _We_. Bella's not gonna have all the fun, ya know.."

"This isnt fuckin Ru Paul's drag, fuckers.."

"Yeah, whatever. First things first...we gotta see what you're working with in the clothing department. We're going out tonight, and as much as the new look works for you, we dont want you coming off a a total douche..."

"And where exactly are we going tonight?

"Out..."

"Alright. Well if we're gonna do this, can you please put on some proper clothing...its distracting.."

I raise an questionably, but decide not to even go there. I dont even want to know what he means by that.

*H.T.H*

"Dude, what the fuck? I so thought you were done with these?" Im holding one of the many pair of skinny jeans that are aligning his walk in closest. Guess some things never change.

"What's wrong with my skinnies?"

"Okay, first off...dont _EVER_ call em that."

_Skinnies_, what the fuck?

"Secondly, chicks dont dig guys in skinny jeans, unless you're Lil fuckin Wayne, and still...thats highly questionably. Save that shit for the skaters, man..."

I rummage through his drawers, opting for T-shirts instead.

At least he got rid of the glittery shit. Most of of his shirts are plain white tees, with the exception of some printed band logo shirts.

"Ahh, here we go. Put this on.." I say, throwing a black, cotton knit V-neck t-shirt at em. He does as he's told and awkwardly stands there in his boxers and the shirt, waiting for my approval. Its tight, but compliments his newly found muscles and defines his chest more.

"Thats one thing down.." My eyes study him further and they land back to his boxers; that just wont do.

"Put these on.." I throw a pair of black boxer briefs at em. He eyes them and then eyes me strangely.

"Well...?"

"I cant put them on when you're staring at me.." He mumbles and for a brief second his gayness shines through; he blushes like a school girl.

"Oh for fucks sake! Everybody close your eyes..." I dont even wait to see if they comply, I just walk off to the closet and rummage through until I find anything that does not resemble skinny jeans.

My eyes land on a pair of light blue stone washed jeans, which were hanging in the far back corner, clearly forgotten. They look to be a bit baggy, but in my opinion thats what we're looking for. Worst comes to worst, we'll just have to a belt on him.

"Alright, Im pretty sure these right here are a winner.." Not entirely paying attention, I walk in on him fondling his jewels.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Its uncomfortable. It feels like its tucking under my balls..."

So didnt need to know that.

"Just...put it on the side of your thigh or something..."

"Its still uncomfortable. Not to toot my own horn but...im kinda big down there..."

"Alright, I dont need any details...just make it work...and put on these pants."

As expected, they are a bit baggy; you can see the beginning of where his briefs start. Not too much, but it works for him.

"I still feel like a douche..." Yeah, he probably looks like one too, but we'll just have to make it work, cause I refuse to go with the skinny jeans.

"Alright, take everything off, except for the undies."

"But I thought..."

"-It needs to be ironed. You should always be crisp, cut and clean...helps maintain the swag, which you'll learn in time. Right now, we're gonna move on to step two..."

"Well what about my facial hair? Isnt this kinda douchie too?"

"Nah, not really. The five o'clock shadow thing works for you. Anyway, Alice...you wanna go ahead with step two?"

"Okay, step two is dancing, Edward..."

"I know how to dance.." He retorts, sliding his jeans back on.

"No," I interrupt, "you know how to do the dougie. Theres a difference. Dancing in the club is more like grinding...having sex on the dance floor. Keep that dougie shit for house party's.

"Yes, and grinding, like Bella said, is what we're going to be focusing on. Not so much you, since you're the one on the receiving end. But still, you gotta have some rhythm. Leah...?" She beckons Leah from the bed.

"Alright pay attention, Eddy..." Slowly Alice start twirling her hips towards Leah, both in a circular motion and then opts for occasionally rolling them back and forth; she reminds me of a belly dancer. Leah subtly copies her movement, bringing their hands into play. For the most part, their hands are intertwined above their head, but when the position is changed to where Alice's ass is grinding into Leah front, Leah's hands begin to roam any and everywhere.

"Okay, this is really uncomfortable...I dont wanna see my sister grinding into Leah, thats sick!"

"Oh get over it, Eddy! You got the jist of it though, right?"

"Yeah I got it. I've been grinded on before...I did dance with Angela at the party, remember?"

"Say what? Where the fuck was I when this took place!" I hadnt meant to say that out loud, but still. My sweet, innocent little Angela was grinding her ass on Edward and not me? What the hell!

"I believe you were getting fucked in the bathroom..." Rosalie practically hisses, glaring at me.

"Hehe, right...fucking in the bathroom, I remember now!"

Fail.

"Well, what now?"

"Hmm, tell me Edward...how is your performance in bed?"

Never thought id be asking him this question...think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

"I dont know. Me and Jasper always changed it up. Sometime I was top and other time I was a bottom.."

Gag.

"Okay, forget all that. Forget everything you know about dick and getting dicked down. Sex is way different with a women. Their body is different, their softer and though we sometimes like it rough, you gotta be gentle.."

"How is that different from men exactly?"

"Well whatever, ya know what I mean. I'll just put it like this...most guys arent really in tune with a girls body and needs...they focus only on themselves..bust a nut and call it a day. Thats not what you wanna do, Eddy..."

"So what do I want to do then?"

"Give them pleasure of course. Tease them, make them them beg...its about them more than its about you. Always put them first and worry about your needs last..."

He nods his head slowly.

"If Im gonna really show you some things then we're gonna need an assistant..Rose..?"

"Oh hell no! I refuse to just sit here and watch you make a porn with my sister.."

Alright, we werent gonna make a porno per se, I was just gonna show him where to touch...over her clothing of course.

"Well what else do you want me to do?"

Leah leans over, whispers something into my ear that answers my question.

"CARMEN!" I bark out, ignoring the way Edwards eyes seem to bulge.

"What the hell? Dont call her in here!" He scrambles to his feet and makes ready for the door, only to run smack dead right into the said womens breast.

Classic.

"Is there something wrong, Mister Cullen?" I bite down on my lip so hard, trying to keep from laugh, that I think I may of drawn blood.

"Uhhh...n-no..I um," he stutters profusely, keeping his gaze fixated on her milk duds; well thats another clear sign that he may just be swinging our way.

"Carmen," I say in the most sweetest voice I can muster. I usually use this trick on Rose when I really want something; she notices of course and practically kills me with her eyes. "I was wondering if you could do something for me. Its...kinda of secret, like between you, myself, and the others." I nod in their direction and watch as she raises an eyebrow, beckoning me to continue. "You see, Eddy here is a virgin.."

"Hey!"

"-And we kinda need someone, other than ourselves to show him the wonders of the female body. Ya know, where to touch in such..?"

"-I dont know, Miss Isabella...thats not really in my job description..."

Sigh. Shes giving me a not so subtle fuck of the eyes.

"Will this," I pull out four a hundred dollars bills."Make it part of your job description?"

"I suppose," she purses her lips before taking the cash." So what do I have to do?"

"-Take your clothes off." No use in beating around the bush. "All of them...please."

Without a moments hesitation, she complies. Shes now nude, standing in the middle of the room with everyone crowding around.

I force Edward to sit right in front of her, indian style, with his face pretty much smack dab in front of her cooter. He visible gulps a few time and even tries to look away but I force his face back.

"Alright, Carmen. Can you um...spread your legs..and your _lips_..if you dont mind?"

Theres a grumble to my far left, where Rosalie just so happens to be sitting.

Im pretty sure this all seems and looks so fucked up to her, but its a must. I mean, its not like im fucking her..

"You see that there, Eddy?" I point to the small hooded, bundle of nerves; I give her a nod, silently telling her to pull the skin back so he can really see it. "Thats the clitoris.."

"I know what a clitoris is, Bella. I took health in school.."

"Well did health class teach you how to suck it?" I quip, once again forcing his gaze to the prize ahead; I shove him forward a bit out of annoyance. Luckily for him, it wasnt enough for his face to come into contact with it.

"Now, stop being a dick and pay attention!Carmen, you mind workin that out for us? Just touch it like you'd want somebody else to..."

"Oh for fucks sake! You never said anything about making a damn smut fest out of this..."

I ignore Rosalie and motion for Carmen to do the deed. She looks me straight in the eye and starts slowly rubbing her clit in circles.

Rosalie is right...this is so fucked up.

Edward watches with curious yet shameful eyes, along with myself, and I take note to his body language. He seems to be breathing very hard and biting his lips every so often at the noises shes making. Carmen really gets into, pushing a finger into herself and grabbing at her breast; his nose flares at this and his right legs seems to be having a hard time sitting still.

I think we're making progress.

"This is fucking hot." I hear Leah say, followed by Alice's affirmed agreement.

"You want to touch her, Edward?" I whisper into his ear, coaxing him to go with what he's feeling. "Thats what you thought about, right? Touching her, making her moan likes shes doing now..?"

He shudders as I gingerly begin messaging his shoulders, making him relax more. "She'll let you, ya know? She'll let you do anything you want. Isnt that right Carmen?"

"Fuck, yes!" She moans, throwing her head back.

"All you have to do is say the word, Eddy. And you could be two knuckles deep...or balls deep in that pussy.."

"Shit, if he dont I will!" Leah cuts in, earning a slap to the back of her head.

"I...I..."

"C'mon, Eddy. Show me you got some balls...touch her.." I help him to his feet and slowly start pushing him closer. He flexes his hands a few times, which tells me he does indeed want to touch her.

"W-what..what should I touch?" He looks down at me over his shoulder with child like innocents.

What lost little lamb he is.

"Anything you want.."

Slowly his hands descend upon her breast. He lets out a shuddery breath but doesnt move them right away, just lays them there. Her hands move to cover his own and she gently begins to coax them into a steady rhythm.

Gradually he gains more confidence and begins to message them himself, occasionally twisting and tweaking her nipples.

By this time, Rosalie has already excused herself. As much as i should comfort her, I really need to stay by Edwards side on this.

His hands move lower every now and then, swiping across her stomach and hip, but never going lower...even though its so obvious that he wants to.

"Touch it, Edward. Touch the pussy, touch _her_ pussy..." Im in his ear again, willing my voice to help him take the next step.

"I..I cant. I cant touch.._that_..."

_That_? Yeah he definitely wont be able to if he cant even say the word.

"Say it, Edward.."

"I cant..."

"Out loud, say it.." He breathes deeply and wets his lips.

"P-pussy.."

"Are you afraid? Are are afraid to touch her pussy, Edward?"

"Yes..." He whispers, turning his head slightly.

"Well too MOTHAFUCKIN bad! Now touch it.."

He jumps slightly as I force his hands in between her thighs, causing her to mewl.

"Its...its wet.."

"Thats a good thing, Edward. Thats what you want to happen..." He removes his hand and stairs at the moisture and even opts to smelling it. His mouth twitches a bit, but he doesnt make any signs of distaste.

"It has a funny smell to it. Like...a musky type smell...is that normal?"

"Well yeah. Every girl has her own unique scent, but generally thats what you want a girl to smell like. If she smells like the Crusty Crab or perch to be more blunt about it. Then its a no-go. You get the fuck up out of there..."

"Right. So um...is oral like a must? Cause im not so sure if I could do that...at least not so soon anyway..."

"Nah, you dont have to do anything you're not comfortable with. Id just stick to licking nipples for now if I were you..."

He continues to stare at the goo on his hands but still nods.

"Welp, think thats enough for today. Thank you, Carmen for that extremely fucked up situation I just put you through. Demonstration was beyond my expectations and things will so not be weird between us. So yeah, thanks again...and uh, piece out..."

"Anytime," she purrs into my ear before retreating.

Yup, totally fucked up.

"I have a hard on..." My head whips in Edwards direction at his random and very unexpected words. Sure enough, his pants are copying that of a tent.

"Well thats only half the battle my friend. Clearly you have _some_ attraction to women, now its your choice on whether or not you want to go further in this. And by further I mean.. play capture the vag."

He debates his options for a second.

"I think...I wanna play.."

*H.I.H*

"Bella, I saw how she was staring at you. She was practically fucking you with her eyes..."

Yup, this is what I've been doing for the past hour or so, arguing with Rose. Or more specifically getting yelled at because im really dont have it in me to argue back. Im focused and i need to stay that way for Eddy's sake. My emotions can ruin this night for him, and Im not letting that happen.

So I'll do what I've been doing nonstop today; apologize.

We're in my truck, driving towards a nearby club thats been getting all the buzz. Every body's looking nice. The girls went for a more flashy approach, opting for some tight fitted cocktail dresses that accentuates their curves and lovely assets. While Leah, Edward and myself went with the cool kid, laid back casual look. Crisp jeans, v-neck shirts and or sweaters with accessories here and there. Shades, plaid scarf's and things of that nature.

"Babe, can we please just talk about this later?" I beg as I park the car a block or so from the club. "This is his night and i really dont want us to ruin it for him, okay?"

We're walking towards the club, with her a few feet in front of me, pouting and folding her arms and whatnot. I shake my head at her childish display and just focus on the view shes giving me. The red dress shes wearing stops mid thigh, giving me full access to her toned legs.

"Stop staring at my ass, Bella.." She grumbles and I debate whether or not I should deny it, but I decide against it since I was indeed staring at her ass.

I dont know how shes does that.

Getting into the club wasnt at all that hard. No, not at all, but actually trying to maneuver through it is what's becoming an headache. Its crowded.

"Alright, Edward. Its a full house tonight...plenty of lucky ladies for your picking. Just keep your eyes open, stay focused and when you see one you like...go in for the kill.." I order a round of drinks and he easily downs them, scanning the room and bobbing his head as he does so.

"What about her?" He nods his head into the direction of an attractive blond, who seems to be chatting animatedly with a couple of gal pals and a random guy.

"Good eye, Eddy. If she smokes, she pokes.." I point out the cigarette in her hand. "But not quite what your looking for. Look at her dress.." She has on a very low, v-neck cut dress thats way shorter than Rosalie's. Her breast is basically spilling out; all in all, its apparent that shes an advent grab and smash."Shes a whore, Edward. A professional one night stand..."

"How do you know?"

"Look at her body language, how far apart her legs are...look at the way shes leaning towards ol boy. Shes wants to fuck him plain and simple..."

"Well what's wrong with that. Thats what im looking for right?"

"Yeah, but always remember, girls like that are like a regular at the heath clinic. Ya know what I mean?"

"Gotcha."

This goes on for awhile. He points out a chick and critique her, giving him a low down on what to expect and what not to go for. So far he's attempted with four okay girls, dance with them but didnt quite close the deal.

"What happened this time?" I say handing him a napkin in order to wipe the drink off his face.

"I did like you told me. We danced and talked a bit and im more than sure she was feeling me but im guessing I shouldnt have asked her if I could make her feel like a virgin again..?"

Okay, so maybe im an ass-hole and just wanted to fuck with a him a little bit. Its the only form of entertainment im getting at the moment since Rosalie is still having her hissy fit.

"This is the second time this has happened, Bella. And im starting to think you're fucking with me.." He throws the napkin down on the counter irritably and takes a long swig of his beer. "If something doesn't happen soon, im leaving and the deal is off..you lose..."

"Alright, alright, alright. Just calm down, okay? Something will happen, just be patient.."

"Yeah, well it better. This is such a headache...too much trouble for what its worth..."

"Edward, I promise you...you wont be saying that once it happens. As much as I would love to put the glory of pussy into words, I cant. Its just something you have to experience for yourself. And you will...even if its just a one time thing.."

"-Hold that thought." He nods his head to a nearby target, but I cant quite see beyond the throng of bodies blocking the view. "Im going in on this one.."

"Well just remember what I said.."

"-Ya know what? Think I can handle this one on my own, but thanks..." He dismisses himself and gets lost in the choas.

They grow up so fast.

"Having fun, destroying my brother?" Rosalie slurs into my ear, sending a thrill up my spine. Shes been drinking from what I can smell.

"Oh, you're talking to me now?" I retort as she take the seat beside me at the bar. The neon lights flash across her face and even though shes clearly drunk, shes still so amazingly beautiful. "And yes. Yes I am having fun corrupting your brother. He's having fun...something you should try.." I turn my attention to the Vodka-atonic in my hands and gulp it down.

"I do have fun," she slurs. "I can have fun..." her body sways a little at this.

"Lets dance.."

"You're drunk.."

"Im not that drunk.." She momentarily sobers up, eyeing me intently.

"Alright.." Im immediately being dragged towards the dance floor; its crowded so there doesnt leave to much space between Rose and I.

Immediately she gets straight to the nasty shit. Hitching her legs over my waist and rolling her hips into mine. Im right with her though; my hands squeeze at her ass and I sway in rhythm with her body movements. And then her ass really comes into play. She turns abruptly and grinds so deliciously into me making me moan.

Hot damn.

And trust me, Rosalie is a fucking pro when it comes to grinding. Its always slow but precise and I especially love it when she bends at the waist, drops it and then brings it up oh so slowly

And yes, Juvenile is definitely playing in my head right about now.

We fuck on the dance floor for well over an hour, and we're just about to head to V.I.P to get into some _thangs_, but Edward...sweet, naive, twat-knocking Edward comes ruining the moment YET again.

"Dude, its done! Like a done fucking deal...she wants to come home and...ya know?" He makes a motion with his hands, which symbolizes the act of fucking.

"Well thats great, Eddy. Me and your sister were just about to do that very thing.." He makes a face at that. "But listen, we're not quite ready to go yet, but if you want, i'll give some cab fair? Just remember, its about her...and be safe. Wear a condom..." I give him a couple of twenties and await for him to depart, but he doesnt. He just stands theres nervously, and scratches at his chin.

"Hey, what's wrong.." I pull him to the side, way out of Rosalie ear shot.

"I..dont know if I can do this. Im scared. I mean what if im no good? What if I cum to early? And...she doesnt like my dick..what if its too small or too big or.."

Slap.

"Calm the fuck down, Edward. You can do this.."

He's stuck. Completely paralyzed in this position; his head is still turned from the force of my slap and he's blinking rapidly.

"Show me the pussy, Edward. Let me hear you say it.."

"Show...show...show me the pussy..?"

"I cant hear you...im so not feeling it.."

"Show me the pussy.." He says again with a little more confidence.

"A little louder please.." I sing in my church voice.

"Show me the pussy." Better but still not quite.

"I cant hear you, Jerry McGuire!"

"Show me the pussy!"

"Good, now say it wit ya chest!"

"SHOW ME THE PUSSYYYYYY!" HE finally says, puffing at his chest.

"Good, good. Now conquer the pussy. And dont forget...slap it, flip and rub it down!"

*H.I.H*

I await with a grumble, mind spitting headache and the taste of debauchery on my tongue.

But the one thing that really has my attention is the fact that im smothered in _Rosalie_. Briefly I wonder to myself...

_"Wake up early in the morning, eat that pussy like cold pizza.."_

Hmm.

Sorry, Weezy, but im gonna have to pass on that one. Already have a migraine and I dont think my head could take another pounding.

Carefully I detached myself from the mess below me and just stare at her for a moment. Shes completely naked, along with myself, and her limbs are all contorted on the bed. She's snoring with a small of patch drool dangling from her lips.

She turns slightly, mumbling incoherently and then lets out a small fart.

Eww, thats so cute. Nasty but cute.

Shaking my head I turn to my right, only to trip over Leahs very naked body. She laying haphazardly across Alice, who seems to be having some weird ass dream; she kicking her legs as if shes running.

What the fuck is that about?

No, no, no...

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!

Deciding to just let yesterday events come to me slowly, I grab Rosalie's rob and make my way down the hall towards the kitchen.

"Bella," comes a gruff voice from Edwards room. Back stepping I peek through and see a very energetic Edward, doing push up on the floor.

Well, somebody's in a good mood apparently.

"So I take it that everything went well with your lady friend?" I ask, stepping in and rubbing at my face.

Why the fuck does he have the damn curtain open at seven in the morning?

"Yup," he says, popping the "p" and giving me the cheesiest smile ever.

"Well, how'd it go...give me the details..."I Plop on the floor in front of him and he immediately stops his ministrations, opting to to just lay on the floor.

"Well, after you and I talked. We all got a few rounds of drinks, courtesy of Angela..."

Angela...thats a nice name.

"She and I danced a bit more and chatted, while you and Rose..uh...did your _thang_ in the V.I.P room.."

My mind flashes and though its a bit fuzzy, it shows me clips of Rose and I stumbling in the far back of the V.I.P and begin tongue fucking the shit out each other.

Obviously we had way too many drinks, but whatever.

She forces me to sit the the velvet like booth, hitches up her dress and straddles my waist. I dont need further coaxing by this time, my hands are already at that sweet spot, continuously pounding.

She riding my hand, screaming all types of obscenities and I do my best to quiet her with my hand.

Somewhere along the lines, I end up on my knees in front of her, with a body of Mascoto and her right leg hitched over my shoulder.

Pretty sure you can figure out the rest.

"Anyway, we kind of noticed you guys were pretty toasted so we didnt just want to leave. We all ended up leaving about an hour later, with us practically hauling everyone to the car of course. You guys so need to know your limit.." He adds as an after thought, shaking his head.

Whatever, get to the goods.

"Enough with the bullshit, get to the fucking..."

"Alright, alright. Long story short, I told her the situation and she was pretty much cool with it. We stumbled to my room, kissing and stripping, sloppily. She pretty much took control of the situation which was fine by me. Umm, she stripped for me for a bit, and in the process stripped me also. When that was said and done, she threw me on the bed, got on her knees and gave me one the best blow jobs ever. And when I say ever, I mean EVER. Her tongue was like..ugh, i dont even know how to explain! Just the sight of her on her knees and her black lace thongs and bra was just mind blowing..."

What'd I tell you guys?

"I came though. I didnt mean to do it in her mouth but i just couldnt hold it anymore. It was her humming on my balls that did it. Shes didnt really mind, but still..."

"Did you guys fuck or not? I mean thats nice and all...the humming on your balls but I want to get to the knitty gritty.."

"Right. So after that she basically just climbed on top of me and fucked me senseless. I mean, I really didnt know what to do...I couldnt remember anything you taught me, but she was totally understanding about it. She showed me where to put my hands, how to touch her and I even made her cum.."

"Seriously!" He nods his head with a triumphant smile. "Wow, thats...rare. So I mean, was is good?"

"Hell yeah it was good!"

"On a scale of one to ten.."

"Well, I dont know...this is my first time remember? so I cant really compare it to much, ya know?"

"Dude, just answer the question..."

"A ten..."

"Alright, but compared to Jasper, what number?"

He purses his lips.

"A ten.."

"Im sorry, what was that? Kind of sounded like you really liked the poon...and if so, what does that mean?"

"You win..."

Ahh, music to my ears.

"So wait, did she do the arch?"

"Arch?"

"Yeah, ya know...did she arch off the bed when you took her panties off?"

"No, she stripped, remember?"

Sigh.

"You seriously dont know what your missing. Next time, you gotta let her do the arch.."

"So, what does this...make me?" He looks up at me with hopeful eyes.

"I dont know. Bisexual I guess. But really, does it matter? Who cares about labels...its about what makes you happy..."

I stand up and begin walking towards the door.

"Bella!" I stop midstep out the door and turn to give him my full attention.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," he acting all shy again. "Seriously, thanks for everything..."

"No Prob...we'll talk my terms of payment later by the way.."

He rolls his eyes and waves me off.

I walk towards the kitchen, fully intending on getting me a cup of coffee when something very appealing catches my eye.

There, standing over the stove, humming and shaking her very nice ass, is...well, I dont know who she is. Her back is turned, so I can only see her ass, which seems to be spilling out of her lace boy shorts.

Well damn.

Im all but drooling at the sight when suddendly she turns around, and im greeted with a wide eyed...

"Angela?"

"Hey, Bella." She says nonchalantly as if its everyday that I see her cooking in this kitchen.

What the fuck?

"Ang, what the hell are you doing here? And why the hell are you half naked?"

Just then Edward comes strutting in with the biggest fuck me grin I've ever seen. They look at each other...like really look at each other and slowly the gears in my head start the turn.

Hold the fuck on...

"Hey, babe.."

Babe?

He saunters over and kisses her soundly and I feel my gag reflex kicking in.

The humming, the balls, the swallowing of the jizz...

No, no,no, not my sweet, innocent, pure, Angela...

"You...you dicked down, Angela! WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Bella, calm down. You said you perfectly fine with it last night."

"Im sure I did, with what? Me damn near comatose from alcohol...what the fuck did you expect!"

This is so fucked up. No, this is beyond fucked up.

"What's the big deal? Shes totally fine with my dick, so why cant you be..."

"Edward, shut the fuck up. The big deal is that you basically just pulled a grab and smash...I refuse to let her be a one night stand. Really, what the fuck...?"

"Who said anything about a one night stand?" Angela interrupts, raising an eyebrow questionably.

"Wait. So, you guys basically fuck and just decide that you're together? What type of fucking logic is that! And what about Ben?"

"Its the same logic as you and Rose. Theres really no difference. And what about Ben?"

Oh, damn. Its like that?

I let all this mull around my noggin for a bit, fully trying to let it sink, and with a heavy sigh...I concede.

"Alright, obviously I flew off the handle for a second. But, thats only because I really care about her, Edward. And if you two are weirdly attracted and happy with each other than who am I to rain on that?"

I walk over to Eddy and hold out my right hand. He eyes it skeptically for a second before accepting my blessing. I can see Angela cheesin from my peripherals as I bring our body's closer.

"Two words for you, Eddy. Lorena Bobbitt. Remember that name when and if you ever think about breaking her heart.

He nods slowly and I briefly see him visibly gulp as we pull back.

Angela pats us on the back and then returns to the stove. Immediately both of our eyes lock onto her ass; I shove Edward and he doesnt even have to look at me to know what im about to do. His fist ultimately meet mine halfway.

Fist pound for that ass!

**A/N: So thats it. As of right now, this fic is officially closed...unless we come up with something else or unless somebody wants to ghost right something. Im all for that. So if you want, feel free, just us up.**

**Please forgive any mistakes and I hope you all enjoyed:)**


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